Dear Mavis, I'm compelled to write this letter   In the hope that you may soon be getting better   I've a feeling you should go and see a doctor   If you haven't then you know you really oughta      I was worried so I went to see the vicar   But before I could confess   He first confessed to be a stripper      Dear Mavis, it was very strange to see him   So I thought I'd write and ask for your opinion   Should I grass on him, report him to the cardinal   Or whether I should egg him on to turn professional      If I dob on him they'll call him plastic scouser   But the only thing the stripper vicar wears   Is plastic trousers      Mavis' opinion is all we really seek   Mavis' opinion is all we      Should we lie, while he's still alive   Should we lie, while he's still alive   'Cause when the vicar strips he gets away with it      Dear Mavis, thought I'd follow up my letter   Drop a line about the fate of our poor vicar   Very tragically his time on earth is ended      Found him gagged and bound in stockings and suspenders   Dear Mavis, if you tell us what your thoughts are   And I hope that they're not biased   'Cause you are the vicar's daughter      Mavis' opinion is all we really seek   Mavis' opinion is all we      Should we lie now that he has died   Should we lie now that he has died   'Cause when the vicar strips he gets away with it      And we know him as our vicar   And by night a part time stripper   And the vicar got suspended   In his stockings and suspenders      And he's making wine from water   While he dresses like his daughter   And we know that he's a rip off   'Cause we've seen him with his kit off      Should we lie now that he has died   Should we lie now that he has died   'Cause when the vicar strips he gets away with it