Princeton:   Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?      Kate Monster:   Sure!      Princeton:   Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?      Kate Monster:   Uh huh.      Princeton:   Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.      Kate Monster:   Right.      Princeton:   You're both Monsters.      Kate Monster:   Yeah.      Princeton:   Are you two related?      Kate Monster:   What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!      Princeton:   Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!      Kate Monster:   Well, it's a touchy subject.    No, not all Monsters are related.    What are you trying say, huh?    That we all look the same to you?    Huh, huh, huh?      Princeton:   No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,    I guess that was a little racist.      Kate Monster:   I should say so. You should be much more    careful when you're talking about the   sensitive subject of race.      Princeton:   Well, look who's talking!      Kate Monster:   What do you mean?      Princeton:   What about that special Monster School you told me about?      Kate Monster:   What about it?      Princeton:   Could someone like me go there?      Kate Monster:   No, we don't want people like you-      Princeton:   You see?!      You're a little bit racist.      Kate Monster:   Well, you're a little bit too.      Princeton:   I guess we're both a little bit racist.      Kate Monster:   Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...      Princeton:   But I guess it's true.      Kate Monster:   Between me and you,    I think      Both:   Everyone's a little bit racist   Sometimes.   Doesn't mean we go    Around committing hate crimes.   Look around and you will find   No one's really color blind.   Maybe it's a fact   We all should face   Everyone makes judgments   Based on race.      Princeton:   Now not big judgments, like who to hire    or who to buy a newspaper from -       Kate Monster:   No!      Princeton:   No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican    busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!      Kate Monster:   Right!      Both:   Everyone's a little bit racist   Today.   So, everyone's a little bit racist   Okay!   Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,   But you laugh because   They're based on truth.   Don't take them as    Personal attacks.   Everyone enjoys them -    So relax!      Princeton:   All right, stop me if you've heard this one.      Kate Monster:   Okay!      Princeton:   There's a plan going down and there's only    one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...      Kate Monster:   And a black guy!      Gary Coleman:   Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?      Kate Monster:   Uh...      Gary Coleman:   You were telling a black joke!      Princeton:   Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.      Gary Coleman:   I don't.      Princeton:   Well, of course you don't - you're black!    But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?      Gary Coleman:   Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!      Princeton:   Now, don't you think that's a little racist?      Gary Coleman:   Well, damn, I guess you're right.      Kate Monster:   You're a little bit racist.      Gary Coleman:   Well, you're a little bit too.      Princeton:   We're all a little bit racist.      Gary Coleman:   I think that I would   Have to agree with you.      Princeton/Kate Monster:   We're glad you do.      Gary Coleman:   It's sad but true!   Everyone's a little bit racist -      All right!      Kate Monster:   All right!      Princeton:   All right!      Gary Coleman:   All right!   Bigotry has never been   Exclusively white      All:   If we all could just admit   That we are racist a little bit,   Even though we all know   That it's wrong,   Maybe it would help us   Get along.      Princeton:   Oh, Christ do I feel good.      Gary Coleman:   Now there was a fine upstanding black man!      Princeton:   Who?      Gary Coleman:   Jesus Christ.      Kate Monster:   But, Gary, Jesus was white.      Gary Coleman:   No, Jesus was black.      Kate Monster:   No, Jesus was white.      Gary Coleman:   No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-      Princeton:   Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!      Brian:   Hey guys, what are you laughing about?      Gary Coleman:   Racism!      Brian:   Cool.      Christmas Eve:   BRIAN! Come back here!    You take out lecycuraburs!      Princeton:   What's that mean?      Brian:   Um, recyclables.    Hey, don't laugh at her!    How many languages do you speak?      Kate Monster:   Oh, come off it, Brian!   Everyone's a little bit racist.      Brian:   I'm not!      Princeton:   Oh no?      Brian:   Nope!      How many Oriental wives   Have you got?      Christmas Eve:   What? Brian!      Princeton:   Brian, buddy, where you been?   The term is Asian-American!      Christmas Eve:   I know you are no   Intending to be   But calling me Oriental -    Offensive to me!      Brian:   I'm sorry, honey, I love you.      Christmas Eve:   And I love you.      Brian:    But you're racist, too.      Christmas Eve:   Yes, I know.   The Jews have all   The money   And the whites have all   The power.   And I'm always in taxi-cab   With driver who no shower!      Princeton:   Me too!      Kate Monster:   Me too!      Gary Coleman:   I can't even get a taxi!      All:   Everyone's a little bit racist   It's true.   But everyone is just about   As racist as you!   If we all could just admit   That we are racist a little bit,   And everyone stopped being   So PC   Maybe we could live in -    Harmony!       Christmas Eve:   Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!