On nights like this   When the world's a bit amiss   And the lights go down across the trailer park   I get down, I feel had   I feel on the verge of going mad   And then it's time to punch the clock      I put on some make-up   And turn on the tape deck   And pull the wig back on my head   Suddenly I'm Miss Midwest Midnight checkout queen   Until I head home   And I put myself to bed      I look back on where I'm from   Look at the woman I've become   And the strangest things seem suddenly routine   I look up from my Vermouth on the rocks   The gift wrapped wig still in the box   Of towering velveteen      I put on some make-up   Some Lavern Baker   I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf   Suddenly I'm Miss Beehive 1963   Until I wake up   And I turn back to myself      Some girls they have natural ease   They wear it any way they please   With their French flip curls and perfumed magazines   Wear it up, let it down   This is the best way that I've found   To be the best you've ever seen      I put on some make-up   Turn on the eight-tack   I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf   Suddenly I'm Miss Farrah Fawcett from TV   Until I wake up   And I turn back to myself      Shag, bi-level, Bob, Dorothy Hamill do   Sausage curl, chicken wings, it's all because of you   With your blow dried, feather backed Toni home wave, too   Flip, for, frizz, flop, it's all because of you   It's all because of you, it's all because of you      Okay   Everybody      I put on some make-up   Turn up the eight track   I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf   Suddenly I'm this punk rock star of stage and screen   And I ain't never   I'm never turning back