And if one day I should become   A singer with a Spanish bum   Who sings for women of great virtue      I'd sing to them with a guitar   I borrowed from coffee bar   Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you      My name would be Antonio   And all my bridges I would burn   And if I gave them some they'd know   I expect something in return      I'd have to get drunk every night   To talk about virility   With some old grandmother who might   Be decked out like a Christmas tree      And tho' pink elephants I'd see   Tho' I'd be drunk as I could be   Still I would sing my song to me   About the time they called me Jackie      If I could be for only an hour   If I could be for an hour every day   If I could be for just one little hour   Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way      And if I joined the social whirl   Became procurer of young girls   Then I would have my own bordellos      My record would be number one   And I'd sell records by the ton   All sung by many other fellows      My name would then be Handsome Jack   And I'd sell boats of opium   Whiskey that came from Twickenham   Authentic queers and phony virgins      I'd have a bank on every finger   A finger in every country   And every country ruled by me   I still know where I'd want to be      Locked up inside my opium den   Surrounded by some Chinamen   I'd sing the song that I sang then   About the time they called me Jackie      If I could be for only an hour   If I could be for an hour every day   If I could be for just one little hour   Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way      Now tell me wouldn't it be nice   That if one day in paradise   I sang for all the ladies up there      And they would sing along with me   We'd be so happy there to be   'Cause down below is really nowhere      My name would then be Jupiter   And I would know where I was going   And then I would become all knowing   And my beard so long and flowing      If I became deaf dumb and blind   Because I pitied all mankind   And broke my heart to make things right   I know that every single night      When my angelic work was through   The Angels and the Devil too   Would sing my childhood song to me   About the time they called me Jackie      If I could be for only an hour   If I could be for an hour every day   If I could be for just one stinkin' hour   Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way