The in-laws are waiting the games have begun   The cell phone keeps ringing “don’t answer it hon”   The whole thing’s arranged just to aggravate Dad   And it’s amateur day on the old super slab   The kids are strapped down like a half load of pipe   All safe in their car seats they fuss and they gripe   Well you can’t hardly blame ‘em it must be a bitchCounting the crosses off down in the ditch   This one’s got flowers, this one’s got a wreath   This one’s got a name painted down underneath   Was the road all iced up, were they going too fast   Here’s five in a circle left from the last holiday   Holiday       There’s a three-trailer rig just a throwin’ up spray   Not legal to run on this kind of a day   But god damn the smokies and the four wheelers too   Stay offa my bumpers or the same goes for you   There’ll be none for him   He that wants it the most   As he hauls it on out to the Oregon coast   No turkey no gravy no Zinfandel wine   You just stay over right and we’ll get along fine   He’s missing the football, missing the fun   He’d play with the grandkids but he’s off on a run   And some hat’s on the radio singing his song   But it don’t make a damn   He’s in for a long holiday   Holiday       Now granny she’s yelling   She’s ready to eat   She’s havin’ conniptions   ‘Cause they won’t take their seats   But she’s got ‘em all gathered now under one roof   With her camcorder loaded   She’s gonna get proof   But do you have to wear that    Well I just don’t see why   Please pass the potatoesAw eat shit and die   Did you hear about Ellen, she’s leaving, you know   How ‘bout those Packers, think it’ll snow?   And the minute it’s over they’ll scatter like quail    Off down the freeway in the teeth of a gale   Silent and shattered And numb to the core   They count themselves lucky    They got through one more holiday   Holiday       The highway patrolman   He stands in the rain   He just lets it run down to soften the stain   Of the blood on his pant leg    From working that wreck   And he won’t forget it   In time for the next holiday       Departing Chicago at 9:52   In clean desert camo all baggy and loose   Sits an Iowa Guardsman alone by the gate   The place sure looked different, in 1968      When he traveled with mom, first time on a plane   To visit some kin, he’s forgotten their names   But he remembers the soldiers, still in their teensIn their spit polished boots and their pressed army greens   With the creases so sharp, and their faces so smooth   But their eyes looked so heavy, he wondered how they could move   Now he’s got that same look, like his insides are black   He’s in his mid forties and he has to go backAnd he can’t even smoke while he waits for his plane    The uniform’s different, but the mission remains   To do like they tell you, don’t make a fuss   Why’s not an issue, so don’t think too much   You just do what you have to, shut up and drive   If you come apart later, well at least you’re alive   You can get you some help, you can deal with it then   And life will be better, ‘til it happens again       ‘Cause there’s something inside us that won’t let us beIn stalks through our days ‘til it’s too dark to see    And it’s damn near as deadly as Texans on ice   Lord don’t they beat all   Y’all have a nice holiday