Twenty one and one-half years ago   I woke up crying in suburban Baltimore.   Some fucker kicked me out the door.      Three and three-fourth years ago   I wandered home and woke up sighing   Everything was different.   All the people were confiding in me.      Every now and again   I go back to where it all began.   I kind of wish I didn’t,   But I like to see my friends.      Oh, Baltimore!   You make me smile.   You make me happy.   We’ll be together in a while.      When I was a kid,   The proudest I had ever been   Was when I didn’t hit my sister   For a several hour stint.      When I cleaned the carpet   With a bottle of shampoo   I didn’t want to get in trouble.   I just wanted to clean you,      Because everybody knows   That you’re a dirty fucking town,   But I’ve got memories   That keep me coming back just for another round.      Oh, Baltimore!   You make me smile.   You make me happy.   We’ll be together in a while.      Oh, Baltimore!   You make me smile.   You make me happy.   We'll be together in a while.      Oh, Baltimore!   You make me smile.   You make me happy.   We'll be together in a while.