All rise and come to order  Bailiff start the video recorder  You've been sworn, what's your   complaint?  Speak up son, don't hesitate!  He presided in his courtroom so long ago  He was hanging cowboys for stealing   buffalo  Court is adjourned, for his honor's   feeling ill  The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill!  Hang up your rope 'cause you're   looking tired  If it was up to me they'd all be fired  Day after day convicting all those liars  This ain't TV jail  It's TV hell!  Chorus  Believe it or not  Those walking blood clots  Make enough money for a thousand   foot yacht  Who in Hollywood  Did they every acquit?  Just senile, judicial idiots  As the drama unfolds  And the law he upholds  If you look real close  You could see him growing mold  Small claims messiah  Is only a pariah to be ridiculed...  Objection Overruled!  All rise as he takes the bench  To hear his old voice make my   gut wrench  Silence to those who are in his court  I'm found guilty by his report  No washed-up judge can say to me  The shit he throws arround when   he's on TV  What can he fucking do, throw me in jail?  I'd slap out his dentures, post them   for bail!  Hang up your robe 'cause you're   looking tired  If it was up to me they'd all be fired  Day after day convicting all those liars  This ain't TV jail, it's TV hell!  Chorus  You lose the case  To a bigger bullshit they you today  When it comes to the end  You tell all of TV land what you've   got to say  When you're dead and gone  Will they get another fossil to carry on?  They must go to school  To hand-pick these old fools  I say to you  Objection Overruled!  It's all Perry Mason's fault!  Cat strangling