Slip into a cinema and give yourself a treat   Better take a raincoat could be sticky on the seat   Open up you Twisties and open up your fly   Pictures start to flicker as your hand moves down your thigh      If your mother knew what you were doing   She'd probably hang her head and cry   And if she thought that you were whipping the dripping   She'd give you a belt, extract all the teeth of your fly      Munchy Munchy Twisties the shorts are such a drag   Make a little opening in the other end of your bag   Now put your Twisties right down there in your lap   No-one ever guesses whatsit's in the pack      If your mother knew what you were doing...etc.      Ooh la la la la la la la la...etc.      Better get a grip on yourself   You better pull yourself together..       Picture's almost over but still your not quite there   John Wayne pulls his gun out and you wish he'd some to spare   Then they turn the lights on and people start to stare   You find you've got a boot full and your coat's stuck to the chair      If your mother knew what you were doing...etc.      Ooh la la la la la la la la...etc.