I wish I was a chauffer  California, New Year's Eve  Driving around a pretty lady with a hanky up her sleeve  I would light her tiparillos just as civil as you please    I wish I was a diver on a ship with Jacques Cousteau  I'd get a picture in our rubber suits so that everyone would know  "Hey, you really know Jacques?"  I'd say, "Yeah, just look at this"  I'd show it everywhere I go, Jacques Cousteau, Jacques Cousteau    I wish I was a cartoon  I wish I was Peter Pan  Then I could fly away from sorrow and never have to feel like a man  You ask me why I'm still a child?  Well, it's just because I am    I wish I had a cabin on the top of some big hill  I'd build a fire every evening and listen to thwe whipporwill  Eat my food out of a garden and drink my whiskey from a still  I wish I was a diamond on the back of your skinny little hand  Then I could keep my eye on you  Maybe then I would understand  How you just leave us all weeping just to prove that you still can    these lyrics are submitted by burkul