well I'm the soul-man at the microphone stand-  you're a 50 cent fucker I'm a million dollar man-  and rippin' up shit is the god damn plan-  don't need no fuckin' muscles or a coppertone tan-  I'm a skinny little fucker from the street-  with some rhymes in my mind to make this rap complete-  I never get tired - I'm retired-  I've never been hired so I can never get fired-  I don't have a diploma or a GED-  but you don't need a degree to be on MTV-  WOO HAW - hit me with my payrole check-  it's all about money so fuck respect-  say I'm sellin out - well I'm sold-  I'm gonna be rich when I'm old like mold-  milldewin' - so you can say I'm screwin' - the pooch-  when I'm hittin' the hootch - while I'm poppin' the kootch-  booty shakin' with your girl on slow jams-  your name Michael Jackson - nah - Soulman-  so my life sucks, but yours does too-  cuz your mommas fat and ugly, and so are you-  sorry to burst bubble-  hope I caused ya trouble-  but you're startin to look like Barney the fuckin Rubble-  No harsh feelings, someone had to tell ya-  just don't come close so I won't have to smell ya.  pick it up, put it down-  lay it on the ground-  like Lionel Kiddie City, turn your frown upside down-  Just like an ear test, listen for the sounds-  Cuz like a fudge maker, I cut it by the pound-  and you know I'm not a clown-  so I don't fuck around-  I just hit on your mamma cuz her botty's nice and round-  I dont give a shit if she weighs 400 pounds-  as long as she's got meat, I'll eat it all year round-  her lovin might be crappy-  but she'll never ever slap me-  cuz im the only man that'll try to make her happy-  so back off son or I'll bite ya like Tyson-  I'm not Puerto Rican, so I wont like the rice 'n'-  BEANS, BEANS, they're good for your heart-  you know the more you eat 'em, you know the more you fart-  I eat 'em all day long so stay away from my ass-  don't follow to closely and don't light a fucking match-  cuz one little spark and -BOOM- explode-  like the Power Rangers, I'll be in turbo-  Well now you now you know my life and how it sucks to be me-  but I'm comfy this way like a pair of cord jeans-