(No one can do it better)      Damn I hate this job    to work in this dump you gotta be a snob    everybody gets on my nerves in this place    I think I'll take the afternoon off from the rat race    an exciting career    don't amount to much but a pain in the rear    I bust my ass all day for a dollar    and then I go home and listen to the kids holler    devoted spouse waitin' in the den    wants to hit me upside the head with a rolling pin    does that ring a bell?    a daily routine we all know well    I'm makin' more but enjoyin' it less    the good life's mainly causin' me stress    making a change is difficult but    I gotta try to get out of this rut    but fear seems to be holdin' me back    courage is the principle trait I lack    I gotta calm my nerves so I can think    I pour myself a nice stiff drink    and another this is my usual mode    one for the money and ten for the road    ah, now everything is clear    I gotta get the hell out of here    Yes now my mission is plain    a Big Mac is calling my name    I gotta sample some of Ronald's cooking    so I raid my wifes purse when she's not looking    pondering the wonderful thing called marriage    I accidentally back the car into a baby carriage    'scuse me ma'am I'd love to stay and chat    but watch where you're going next time you old bat    I hit the gas and zoom down the block    leave 'er in the dust yellin' for the cops    swervin' round a corner tryin' to steer    I get so excited I almost spill my beer    a neighbourhood dog is yappin' at my bumper    so I slam on the brakes and I hear a big thump    I jump the curb and land up on a lawn    then I finish my beer and turn the radio on    some idiot's goin' on about rehab    I grab a brew and yank on the pull tab    here comes a little old lady with a shot gun    I put the pedal to the metal and she runs    digging on my off-road driving power    I do a donut in a bed of flowers    then I jerk the wheel a little to hard    the car rolls over and over on out of the yard      (Causin' much destruction)    (Act the fool)       I come to rest in the middle of the street    a bunch of empty beer cans rattlin' at my feet    starin' in the window is a nosy little brat    I look him in the eyes and say "I meant to do that"    then I notice my watch says I'm overdue    for my big appointment at the local drive through    I do a number on the accelerator    and I'm cuttin' in line about thirty seconds later    whaddya think this is?    some kinda joke?    gimme 10 Big Macs and a small diet coke    I pull up to the window with my radio playin'    I grab the bag and leave without payin'    I weave down the road for a block    jugglin' a beer and a a styrofoam box    pull into a parking lot and kill the motor    presently I notice a peculiar odour    a little black smoke is risin' from the hood    somethings gonna happen and it's probably not good    I open the door grab my stuff and go    just in time to watch the whole thing blow    the car explodes with a bang and a hiss    Oh boy, my wife is gonna really like this    I can't believe this is happenin' to me    this piece of junk's goin' back to the factory    this was a blatant attempt on my life    everyone will fall for that    except my wife    but wait a plan begins to emerge    I suddenly have an overwhelming urge    to spend the night in the great outdoors    my suburban lifestyle has become a bore    I'll build me a fire    and finish my burgers    what my wife don't know    won't hurt her    I leave the scene of the unhappy event    resolved to make the most of my predicament    a few yards away I feel better    I know! I'll write 'er a letter    or better yet a ransom demand    got your husband send the money understand?    or else we'll send his head home in a jar    P.S.    sorry 'bout the car    Yeah, now that ought to really do the trick    I'll be gettin' off the hook and she'll be worried sick    but really, I'm gonna make it up to you honey    I'll buy you a new car with your own damned money    I walk a while into the sunset    a man, at peace with the world, you bet    nothing can diminish my total enjoyment    except when I pass my place of employment    Damn I hate this job    to work in this dump you gotta be a snob    everybody gets on my nerves in this place    I think I'll take the afternoon off    from the rat race       (Hard like a criminal)