Look at my facial hair!   (Oh man, hot damn, it’s everywhere!)   (Where’d you get that beard?)   I grew it   (How do you keep it so clean?)   I shampoo it   (Yeah!)      I really wish I could grow a mustache   (Why don’t you?)   Well, frankly, I don’t have the cash   You gotta take care of your facial hair   Otherwise it gets scruffy and bare   The elements of style   For the beard owner   The essential manual   For owners of beards      Trim it, cut it, comb it, style it   Clean it, and scent with violet   Love it, but don’t get violent   Rub it, but not in public   Eat with it, but don’t get messy   The only rule is keep it classy!      I was on a fishing boat   And I tried to grow a beard but it wouldn’t float   Three weeks later out at sea   I realized this beard wasn’t working for me   I tried to shave it off but I had no cream   Everyone on the boat could hear me scream!      --   Love for me   And love for you   Love for each other   Baby be my boo      Love for me   And love for you   Lust for my beard   Look at what I grew      Look at my sexy facial hair   Oh man, hot-damn, it’s everywhere!      It’s everywhere!   It’s everywhere!   It’s everywhere!