Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh   Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (Choral chant)      (Hi this is Jesus   I can't get to the phone right now   But if you leave a message after the tone   I'll get right back to you)      Dear Jesus   I don't believe in you no more   Dear Jesus   I think you should know the score   I never met you   Cos' you lived a long long time ago   Not to upset you   But there's not a lot to know      Born in a stable   Is the story we were told   He had a beard   And you wore a lot of shitty clothes      He walked on water then you held a kickin' party on the beach   And the people gathered round to watch you talk and hail and preach   But the bunch of bread and fishes turnin' water into wine   Sure I'd be a true believer if I'd been there at the time      Dear Jesus   I aint buyin' all this shit   Dear Jesus   I dont want no part of it   Don't know what you had in mind, but I'm sure it wasn't this   I met a couple of cool Christians, but the Rev's just take the piss   They it’s awful to be gay, cos there aint no family   And they made you give them money when you see them on TV      Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Jesus!   Looks like we’re gona hafta throw things down the old school way!   What my mum said, Bring it on!      Dear Jesus, el Presidente   Declared war on them today   He read the Bible, evidently   And your Dad says it's ok      Like this guy lives on my block   He's such an asshole to my mom   And he flips off all the Muslims   Like their doin' somethin' wrong   I know plenty other dicks like that   But this just makes it worse   He thinks he is so much better   Just because he goes to church      Dear Jesus   Dear Jesus      If you come back just like you said you would   I know that we could chill   But these days we need some evidence   To show that your for real      Dear Jesus   Dear Jesus   Dear Jesus      I hope you got my message when your back if you can   If you even leave tonight, it's means I'm your number one fan