Why The Internet Doesnt Work

By: Dale Armin Miller

I started selling things in the fifth grade. Seeds, door to door.

Some of my friends would try that for a couple days, too. Even a
month. Then they would hold meetings about how selling seeds
didn't work.

Well, at least that's how the meetings started -- I always had
to leave early to do more selling ... or collect my money.

I've heard "It doesn't work!" about everything.

For example:

"I spent $600 on an Xer-Cycle eight months ago, and I
haven't lost a pound." ... although usually it's just
"Xer-Cycle? It doesn't work."

Well, do the pedals turn?

"I mean I haven't lost a pound."

Well, did you follow the directions?

"Yes, I read the directions."

Did you follow the directions?

"I already told you I read them!"

That's not what I asked.

I asked if you followed them -- and, if
so, for how long?

Sometimes the spouse will reveal that the Xer-Cycle was used for
20 minutes the first day, ten minutes the next, and, well, "It
doesn't work."

The truth is that nothing works, including the Internet. Not one
damn thing.

There are things that do or do not make it easier for you to
work. But it always boils down to this: YOU have to work.

"Work?!" -- Maynard G. Krebs

Yes, work. Hard work. Putting in your time. Paying your dues.

If what you're doing isn't working for you then, for God's sake,
do it differently. Or do something else.

If you don't want to do that, it's fine by me. I don't mind.
It's even reasonable. But, if that's what you decide, be honest
about it: That's what you decided.

"What about all those Internet companies on the news
that went belly up? How can I hope to succeed?"

What about all the Internet companies that did NOT go belly up?
... and are doing just fine, thank you very much. If you want to
focus on how airliners crash, watch the news. If you want to
focus on what works in the airline industry, go to the airport.
It's your choice.

Just don't sayArticle Submission, "It doesn't work!"

I've been hearing that since I was in fifth grade. Now I'm 49 --
you do the math (it depresses me). And I'm so sick of it that
I could puke.

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