How often do you sign a major contract without reading it first? Hopefully not often. Well you would be surprised how few people are involved in even reading their vows before the ceremony. Most people spend hours planning for their wedding, and months working to pay for it, yet very rarely do couples ask what they are committing to, let alone help create the contract.
If you were to negotiate an important business merger would you show up on the day of signing the contract having not read it yet? Of course not. If it were a business merger you would want to know what you were signing, consult with a trusted advisor and then alter the document to better fit your long term needs. So why would a commitment you are taking to your grave be any different?
At Aloha Ever After you are certainly not required to write your own vows or even to read them before the wedding but you are certainly welcome to! I would strongly advise that you consider at least asking for a copy of your vows before your wedding day and making sure you agree with them. You are about to make a commitment for life, so you best be sure you agree 100% with what you're committing to!
It's perfectly fine to ask to speak to and consult with your minister as much as you need to make sure that you feel comfortable with your vows. It is also perfectly fine to take out anything you don't feel ready to commit to. It's much better not to commit to something you don't fully believe in than to say it and not mean it! It is also of course wonderful to add in anything you would like to add to further personalize your sacred commitment. After all, it's you making the commitment, not the minister!
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The trend these days is to have a wedding celebration that reflects the personalities of the two people involved. To this end, you may want to consider including vows that you have written yourself as part of the wedding ceremony. While the traditional vows may be beautifully written, that does not necessarily mean that they are the right ones for the two of you.
The first thing to think about is what you really want to say in your vows. While the deep affection you and your beloved have for each other is the reason you are entering into the honorable estate of holy matrimony, you might also want to include such concepts as friendship, hope, peace, respect, kindness, patience, loyalty, and a shared future.
You might also want to include a passage about welcoming your new spouse into your family and becoming a part of theirs. Your desire to have a family of your own might be a part of the thoughts you express to each other as well.
Look at some sample vows for inspiration. The librarian at your local public library should be able to suggest some books for this purpose. If you are working with a wedding planner, he or she may be able to suggest some good sources of information as well.
Reciting your vows is not like an exercise in public speaking in that it needs to last for a certain amount of minutes or have a specific word count. Use as many or as few words as you need to express the promises you are making to your spouse. This is your day and no one is going to think it amiss if your vows are wordy and flowing or brief and to the point.
To that end, some couples find it helpful to try to write their vows together, while others would feel more comfortable working individually. This is also a case where no one solution is inherently better than the other; people just need to determine what would work best for them.
If you like the wording contained in traditional pre-written vows but want to add your own personal touch, ask the officiate you have chosen whether you can have a combination of the two at your wedding ceremony. In this way, you are not breaking with tradition by including the standard vows, but you are making the celebration of your wedding a more individual one by adding whatever thoughts you want to share with your chosen one and guests.
If your goal is to have a wedding that is truly a reflection of your personalities, then writing your own vows is one way of ensuring that your wedding day will be as unique as the devotion the two of you feel for each other.
Both Timory & Gregg Hall are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Timory has sinced written about articles on various topics from Wedding Bells, Marriage and Photography. http://www.AlohaEverAfter.com. Timory's top article generates over 165000 views. Bookmark Timory to your Favourites.
Gregg Hall has sinced written about articles on various topics from Lingerie, Desserts and Mortgage. Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Beach, Florida. Find more about this as well as wedding invitations at. Gregg Hall's top article generates over 3350000 views. Bookmark Gregg Hall to your Favourites.