Throughout my childhood my brother Tom took up much of the family energy due to his mental illness. It wasn't his fault or ours, it just happens that way in families. As I think back on how my parents dealt with the challenges, there are things I think they could have done better. Hindsight is 20/20, I know, and they did the best they could. But it's a very tough situation and every one of us who has lived with it can offer suggestions to other families in crisis, which may spare them some pain. Here are mine. Here are 5 ways to improve the family situation when a member has mental dis-ease.
1. Educate everyone about the illness. Knowledge is power so get books, talk to doctors, seek out support groups (see our resource section for ideas) and gather all the facts you can. You will each have different reactions to the situation, but at least you'll share concrete information.
2. Establish a support team of professionals. It's not just the family member with mental illness that needs professional support. Anyone in the family and the family as a whole may need assistance with emotions, coping, communications, and cooperation.
3. Talk with family members about the issues. Have family meetings to discuss feelings and problems each person is having. Share possible strategies for addressing problems. Allow each person to express their concerns openly and honestly. Even though the family unit has changed due to the illness, be creative and continue to stay connected as a family even if it "feels different".
4. Develop boundaries around the person's illness. Decide what is appropriate "helping" and what is classified as someone elses's misplaced needs and "enabling". It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking the person cannot do things for him/herself, when often this is not the case.
5. Pay attention to your own wellness. It's not at all unusual to become burnt out, and to start isolating yourself personally and as a family. Take extra good care of yourself. Spend time with friends, go to a museum and get inspired by great art, plant a flower, do things you enjoy. Even if it feels like a struggle at first, do it -- because in the long run your health and sanity needs to be replenished so you can give to the rest of the family.
One word of caution here about the idea of "wellness" or taking care of your "self". You may feel that taking good care of your "self" when the family member suffers from mental illness is just, well, plain ol' "selfish". But the fact is that being able to stay well enhances you're abiliity to deal with your new family situation. In addition, caring for your "self" means your will have more patience and energy when they need you . In the end, families face many challenges if mental illness is in the mix. Be proactive, realize this is manageable, and keep others involved in the process. Living your life as a family may have changed due to the mental illness but that doesn't mean you are not still a "family". Be creative and find other ways to do family things that make sense under the changing dynamics. Nothing is perfect but your response to the challenge and your ability to model proactive behaviors for other family members will assist them in moving forward.
Having a family member diagnosed with a mental illness can leave you feeling almost as anxious and scared as they are. How will you handle them? Will you be able to help them when they need it? Will they be okay? These are all normal and valid questions, and the answer to all of them, usually is - yes. It is possible to deal with the issues surrounding mental illness. The key is knowledge. Read all that you can find about what to expect from your loved one's mental illness: The behaviors that you may encounter as a result of the illness, the care that they will need during times of crisis, how to talk them through a difficult time, what kinds of medications they will need. These are all common issues that will help you to deal with your loved one's mental illness.
One of the first things you should do is to make sure that you have all of the necessary phone numbers written down and easily accessible to everyone in the house. Whether it is a sticky note on the refrigerator, or business cards posted to a bulletin board, you need doctor's phone numbers, your nearest medical facility, and local ambulance and police phone numbers. These are not only important numbers to have during times of crisis for your loved one, but they are important to have for any type of family emergency as well.
Know that your presence and love will go a long way toward making your loved one feel better about themselves and their problems. Be ready to listen. Sometimes that's all they will need. Remember that you do not have to have all the answers. You just need to be a shoulder to cry on, or a comforting ear to listen.
Be alert for warning signs that things are more serious than normal. Listen for key phrases like "I'd be better off dead, or it would be better for everybody if I weren't here". Never ignore such talk or think it will go away on its own. If your loved one is talking like that, or openly saying they are thinking about suicide seek emergency professional help immediately.
Be aware that dealing with any type of illness in family members can be very draining on the care - givers and other members of the family. Do not overlook your own needs for rest, relaxation, and general self care. Get the needed sleep you require to be alert and ready to handle your own life, and that of your loved one as well. When necessary do not be ashamed to ask for help. There are many agencies out there designed to give care-givers a day off when they need it. Make use of them. Most people do not realize how exhausting dealing with a family member's illness until they have to deal with it themselves. Help your loved one deal with the issues of their mental illness and organize their time and more difficult daily tasks. This will give them a sense of accomplishment as well as allow them to function in society. It will also ease your own burdens of caring for them if you can set your mind at ease that they are able to handle as many of their basic needs as possible.
Keep stress to a minimum. That is true both for their sake as well as yours. The stress of dealing with any disease can wreak havoc on a family. Don't let your loved one's mental illness destroy your entire family. Remember to keep things in perspective. At times it can seem so overwhelming that even the little things can make us blow up. Minimizing the stress and keeping a positive attitude will help both you and your loved one cope, and have a happy family life.
Both Mary Logan & Ronen David are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Mary Logan has sinced written about articles on various topics from Finances, Family and Energy Healing. Mary Logan provides inspirational coaching for family members dealing with another's mental illness. Take the "How are you doing as a caregiver? assessment at . Mary Logan's top article generates over 1900 views. Bookmark Mary Logan to your Favourites.
Ronen David has sinced written about articles on various topics from Depression Cure, Beauty Procedure and Family. Ronen David is the chairman of "Malam" (an Israeli organization supporting and representing those dealing with mental disabilities). He is the author of the "How to Cope With Psychosis & Schizophrenia Self Help Handbook".Visit his web site and learn. Ronen David's top article generates over 368000 views. Bookmark Ronen David to your Favourites.