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[S271]Self Esteem Of Children

by Steven Griggs, Ph.d., Ste

Low self esteem? What exactly does that mean?? High self esteem? How are they different? Self-image is a compilation of messages we have taken in about ourselves over the span of our lives If the messages are predominantly sunny ones, the standard
self-image we have, or more specifically, our sense of esteem for ourselves, is good.
We have a good self-image. If the messages are predominantly bad ones, the average
self-image we have, or more specifically, our sense of esteem we have for ourselves,
is bad.
Self-esteem bubbles up from our collective impressions, or out of the zillions of individual "introjects" (inputs we "inculcate;" that is, take in, own, as real about ourselves, etc. over the entire span of our lives.) It starts accumulating from the first dayand never stops evolving, for good or bad. If you consider the dynamics of this process, believe it or not, both low and high self-esteems are formed in exactly thesame way. Only the content of our minds vary, which has a crummy effect on our moods.
In the beginning, individual dealings have a gigantic impact on our self-esteems. That's because we are vulnerable, like most children are, and also because there are less other images in our brains with which to average the new, incoming message. So, one or two
new messages has a greater impact on the average experience we have about ourselves.
At the other end of life, we have zillions of messages lodged in our brains, bouncing around inside our heads, most of them neatly catalogued in the back of our awareness. This
creates a "input resistant,", less modifiable databank. In other words, it's harder to change self-image in older people just by putting in new ideas, because there are already too many old ones in place.
I've developed a technique that uses some specific cognitions to change our feelings.
It turns out it's not our thoughts that change self esteem. It's our feelings.
And, feelings can be created by consciously bringing up certain strategic thoughts,
thus changing the feeling (because feelings follow thoughts in adults). You control the
thoughts and you're your feelings change, you strategically apply the feelings, using the
new feeling that comes in a specific way. It's a combination of two nifty techniques
and they work--far better than the usual superficial techniques offered in the
pop-psychology literature.
It is not significant if your self-esteem has been crummy for a little while or
your whole life. You're not going to try to change everything at once, just one
thought at a time. I tell you how. It's actually a little backwards from what you might expect. You have to start small and work up, not think big and try to generate a trickle-down effect. The latter fails.
It also doesn't matter if your self-esteem is very, very bad or just a little damaged.
The same technique works equally well for both conditions. But you have to understand the rationale behind this breakthrough idea, and for that, you have to read more of what I've written.
Hello, I've been an outpatient psychologist for over twenty years. I've come
across eight psychological conditions that I see every day. Self-esteem is one of them,
and it's one that permeates all the other seven. Improve self-esteem and the others
improve, too. Below are some links to take you to my webpages, where more details are
provided.

Thanks,

Steven Griggs, Ph.D.

Part of self esteem stems from how we describe and define ourselves. When our self-esteem is low, we might be constantly negative about our performance, abilities, and worth. We might have frequent thoughts like: "I'm fat." "I can't do that." "They don't like me." "I messed up again. I always mess up." "I shouldn't have done or said that." It is difficult to stop these thoughts, but it can be done with awareness and practice.

The first step is to become aware of these thoughts. If you keep a notebook handy and write down your negative thoughts for a couple of days it can give you an idea as to the nature of how you criticize and undervalue yourself. You can then sit down and go over the criticisms one by one and address them. For instance, yes, it may be true that you are overweight, but surely there are several nice things you can say about your appearance. And you may have reason to be proud of the efforts you are making for your health. Cross out the negative comment and write these positive things down. Many of your criticisms of yourself you will find are not true. No one always messes up, and almost anything in life you can learn to do.

Trying your best, no matter what the outcome, is worth respecting in yourself, whether that is what you do in a relationship, trying to lose weight, trying to do a good job, or attempting to do something new. Give yourself credit for doing your best. And thoughts such as, "They don't like me," are made up. You don't know they don't like you, and often it doesn't even matter if they don't because there are people who do like and love you. Now that you have replaced some of your habitual criticisms of yourself with more truthful and positive statements, keep your notes handy for a while, and when you catch yourself criticizing, replace it with your new positive statements of yourself.

Here is another thing you can do. Write down ten of your best qualities and memorize them. You might be for example: honest, kind, very intelligent, a hard worker, generous, a good parent, an A student, religiously faithful, a sincere friend, and diligent. Remind yourself of these qualities morning, noon, and night until they sink in, and add to the list. Let this become the core of your new sense of identity.

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