We’re all familiar with the label; and if you’re an assertive, confident, intelligent and independent woman, you are often called a bitch. Whether you have a high profile career or are a stay-at-home mom, the term still gets attached to women who posses these qualities no matter how “nice” we are. Men who posses the same qualities don’t seem to have any negative connotations applied to them, but instead are respected and admired - even when they act like ruthless jerks! In the work place and in relationships, if women show too much femininity we can be seen as weak, but if we are strong and confident we are labeled “controlling bitches.” I feel we should be allowed to express our femininity while also showing confidence in ourselves and our capabilities without being assaulted by labels.

As single women and moms we all manage to run our lives independent of a man. (See my profile at http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com) Add confidence, career success, and a positive, outgoing personality and that becomes a threat to anyone who is the least bit insecure about themselves – men and women alike. Confidence is intimidating to those who don’t have it, and they feel they can attain it by “taking you down.” If someone feels they can’t compare, (and being insecure, they do compare) they will try to knock you down to feel better about themselves. This is a key reason why we end up being labeled a bitch.

Being confident further empowers our independence as women and enables us to be successful in many areas of our lives. For many, the higher we rise, the further these people would like to see us fall. Somehow, being called a bitch undermines our success and shakes us up because we CARE! We don’t want to be cast negatively, but instead be recognized and appreciated for all of our qualities and capabilities. Sometimes we feel we need to do damage control when we’ve been labeled a bitch, so we become overly sweet to try to reverse it. If you’re someone who can relate to this, then you also know this never works.

How does all this play out in a relationship? Being a confident and independent woman myself, I can tell you what I’ve learned. I’ve known, dated, and been in relationships with men who say they are very attracted to a woman who is “comfortable in her own skin”, and I believe they are. But when these men are in a relationship with that kind of woman and aren’t strong and confident enough themselves, they start trying to knock us down because they’re intimidated by us. They start to feel inadequate and then blame us for making them feel that way, and the relationship fails. This happens no matter how affirming you are of him – if he knows he’s not measuring up to his own standards regardless of what you think and say otherwise, you are the scapegoat for all that is wrong in the world!

This independent woman/bitch conundrum is not specific to the workplace or relationships, it’s everywhere; so what can we do about it? Can we change it, or somehow learn to live with it? Can we “beat the system” by being feminine and strong, capable and confident, independent and successful? If we possess confidence and are independent, should we embrace it or try to conceal it? Tell me what you think by posting a comment on my blog at http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com I look forward to hearing your thoughts.