It happens to everyone - a breakup. It isn't working out, she (or he) dumps you, and you're feeling listless. The world has lost its vigor, you feel like everything's out there to make you miserable, and more. The usual, and sensible, course is to have a few beers, talk about old times with your buddies, and move on, letting the heartache heal on its own.

There is an alternative, if you're really determined to get your ex back. Maybe it's watching too many romantic comedies (where the usual plot is Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, Boy Gets Girl Back), or maybe is that there's a deep bond there that you're not willing to give up. There's a set of steps to follow, and they don't follow the Hollywood script.

The first step is to be realistic about what went wrong the first time. This isn't a self-flagellation party, nor is it a "blame the ex" party. It's looking back at what caused each of you to act in the ways that triggered the breakup. You can't change the past, but by studying it, you aren't doomed to repeat it.

If the break was over a single event, your odds are better for getting back together. You have to be coldhearted and look at why the event happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Was it over money? Or a missed date, or disliking some of their friends or relatives? Look into ways to prevent this from biting you again. If the breakup happened because of things you did that were constantly grating, it's going to be harder - you have to convince them that you've changed. Whatever

Next comes presentation. Don't be needy. Nothing drives someone away faster than a needy person whining at them. Yes, they'll listen for a while, out of pity. But pity is not a foundation for a relationship renewal, it's a toxin that will make your relationship go sour. Yes, everyone feels like they can't live without their ex. You're going to have to act like you can to have a chance at getting them back. Stay strong, grow a life of your own, and let that interesting life lure them back.

Beware the green eyed monster that mocketh man, as Shakespeare called it. Do not let jealousy even enter into your strategic thinking. If your ex is dating someone else, let them be. Wish them well. Don't get stalker on them. Don't comment on it. Don't talk about how you'd do it better. All you're doing is showing that you haven't moved on, and reinforced that they have and that they should stay as far away from you as possible. Remember, time heals all wounds. So take some time to heal yours before ripping the bandages off with your ex.