You have the need to know, but his/her lips are sealed or walks away, ignores or bypasses your questions, puts it back on you, denies or does other numbers on you to keep you away from knowing what really happened. There are predictable reasons why this happens. Here are some of them:
Your partner/spouse is involved in an "I don't want to say no" affair. Your partner probably is a person wrapped up in his own ego, personal needs, and life style. He can rationalize the behavior and actually come to the conclusion that he is entitled to get his needs met this way. After all, he is such a magnanimous person! Bottom line: your needs and concerns really don't matter! He doesn't want to talk about them and sees absolutely no reason to get "bogged down" in what is important to you.
Your partner/spouse is involved in a "revenge" affair. He wants you to squirm. This may not be front and center in his consciousness, but just below the surface is some resentment and anger, for whatever reason, aimed in your direction. He thinks: "Hmmmm this is payback time. Good. Now she knows what it's like to be on the receiving end. I'll continue this for a while...and secretly enjoy her torment. I won't give her the satisfaction of responding in a caring way to her needs."
Your partner/spouse is involved in affairs such as: 'I fell out of love" or "My Marriage Made Me Do It" or "I Want to be Close to Someone...but can't stand intimacy." Often, the infidelity in these cases represents the need to deal with dependency issues. By that I mean, your partner may define himself in terms of how others respond to him rather than his inner values, standards, purpose, etc. This person's life is wrapped around others. And his life is still wrapped around you. You want to know. He doesn't tell you... for fear of "hurting you" or becoming embroiled in pain or conflict from which he cannot seemingly extricate. What you (or others) think, feel and how you respond are TOO important to him.
