I may never have been the high school quarterback, but I've always called my own plays in the bedroom. Especially with my current girlfriend, who's as obsessed with American football as I am, and loves nothing better than to get dirty on the gridiron. Until recently, when it began to appear that I'd need to order some Generic Viagra, she had all sorts of honorifics for the Titan between my legs. Her favorite nickname for my manhood was "Knute Rockne" (after the famous football coach, because of my rock-hard pleasure piston, and my "knuts" that were the size of pigskins). Often, in the heat of the moment, she'd simply call me "Heisman." "Show me your Heisman again..." she'd often ask. Suddenly, though, Heisman had dropped the ball. That Generic Viagra order was looming. I'd had some embarrassing fumbles over the past several months, that's for sure. More often than not, I was left to watch from the sidelines, as she "ran a keeper." I won't explain that one, except to say that she went the distance herself. Another way to put it would be that she "completed the hand-off," then "hit the showers," or, more precisely, the shower nozzle. I realized it was high time to order that Generic Viagra, and that I was being silly in procrastinating. I knew that if I didn't start getting it done, she'd start testing the free agent market, and move to another team.

And she was an integral part of my franchise... I wanted her to stay. I was even thinking of Super Bowl rings. I broke down and ordered my Generic Viagra online, and in a couple of days, I intercepted it from the mailman. Maybe I looked silly, waiting beside the mailbox in my lawnchair. I took the package inside, opened it hurriedly, and took that performance-enhancing drug right away, knowing that soon my girlfriend would be stopping by. I knew that Generic Viagra was supposed to start working within an hour or so, if not less, so I figured I'd give it a shot right away. When I saw her getting out of the car, in that cute little team sweatshirt and tennis skirt... well, Heisman started to stir, and I could tell he wanted the ball. I was amazed at how quickly Generic Viagra had lived up to its promises!

When she opened the door, her eyes got wide when she saw that my Heisman was already on display, and in top physical condition, thanks to Generic Viagra. And she jumped on that loose ball with a quickness-she always had a nose for the loose ball! She said that Knute Rockne looked like one of those fluorescent orange yard markers! In a matter of seconds, I had tackled her onto the couch, and a struggle ensued around midfield. I ran the quarterback sneak, and dived into the pile. Generic Viagra kept me hard and strong for all four quarters; I continued to pound her with some old-fashioned smash-mouth. I pushed deep into the red zone, overpowered her defensive line, and penetrated her goal line-the Packers had taken a decisive lead! True, she did turn the tables on me in the third quarter, pushing me back onto the sofa and riding my Tony Romo hard into the ground. But with the help of Generic Viagra, I got my second wind late in the game, and staged a deliberate, game-winning drive. I marched down the field, and, with time running out, I executed a game-winning field goal all the way from midfield. Afterwards, she asked me what had gotten into me. I didn't tell her that it was Generic Viagra.