It is very important after a hot sticky night of passion, when not all of your love juice has been gobbled down, to have the correct tool for the sticky task sitting on the bedside table. If you have chosen your mop-ups well you will not only clean the mess away quickly; preventing unsightly spillage but you could also be saving money.
To bring you this valuable information, Sex Toy Testers developed and performed a scientific experiment. Under controlled conditions the semen splatter act was reincarnated by my lovely assistant (Mr. X) He splattered a measured amount (1 tbsp.) of warm wallpaper paste over my naked stomach and then used various type of tissues to clean away the sticky mess. The number of tissues used for the job was recorded. The experiment was repeated for each sample of tissue used, and the apparatus was cleaned thoroughly.
PPMU
Wilcos Handy Tissues 10 in a pack 2 tissues used Price 9p1.8p
Blot Kitchen Towel88 sheets1 tissue usedPrice 49p for 2 rolls0.557p
Asda White Tissues 10 in a pack1 tissue usedPrice 14p1.4p
Asda Smartprice Tisues150 in a box2 tissues usedPrice 34p0.453p
Tempo80 in a box2 tissues usedPrice 94p2.35p
Kleenex for men100 in a box1 tissue usedPrice ?1.441.44p
Andrex toilet tissue241 sheets5 sheets usedPrice 84p for 2 rolls1.846p
Notes to Accompany Table
The Table shows the performance of each individual tissue. The price per mop up (PPMU) was calculated using the following formula
Price divided by the number of tissues in a box X the number of tissues used = PPMU
Conclusion
With all this information we can see that Asda Smartprice white tissues were the best value for money with the lowest PPMU. They may be cheap but they can definitely handle sticky moments. However, the packaging is a bit naff it being from Asda's no frills section and all, and it would clearly stand out on the bedside table that you were a cheap skate, could you take that chance with your reputation?
In second place is Blot Kitchen towel. Again it is its presentation that lets it down, but well worth knowing for those passionate moments in the kitchen when you get fruity on the kitchen table!
Asda White Pocket Tissues cross the line in third place with 1.4p per mop up, although this has a high score on its presentation for its ability to be hidden in a drawer. Another advantage is of course that they also fit in the glove box, your jacket pocket and a handbag!
