A few days ago I sent out an email with the title, “Are you just plain scared of rejection?” What was interesting to me was some of the responses I got back. Today I'm going to share some of those with you, and comment on why these men have no chance with any woman—until they change their self image.

If you have a self image that says you're unattractive to women, you will be. Why would any woman want to be with a man who considers himself unattractive? The answer is, they don't. Attraction begins with self image—the good news is, self image is not hard to change.

Here are the emails…

Not to be mean, but I'm a skeptic. Personally I'm a insecure guy who probably won't be getting any na na for a while. I clam up before the girl gets within 20 ft. and you say you can have women approach you. This has to be a scam.

Nicotine

JA: You're not a skeptic; you're a whiner with a bunch of excuses for not taking action. A skeptic (of which I am one) believes nothing he hears, he makes everything prove itself. To do that he takes action, and is willing to be burned occasionally in order to get the right knowledge to improve his life.

Look it, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but with your self image you have zero chance of attracting women. You say you're “insecure” (that I believe), and you immediately label anything that might help you get results as a “scam” a convenient (and common) excuse for not taking action.

What if instead you were to adopt the more useful self image of “I'm learning the SKILL of attraction, and I'm strong enough to invest in information that might help me get the results I want, even if it means getting burned occasionally?” You might be surprised to find that you don't clam up and women find you more attractive just because of that mindset.

One other thing—lose the name “nicotine.” If there ever was a negative reinforcement to your self image, it's calling yourself by a name like that. Find a better one (sorry, “The King” is already taken).

some of us are always afraid of being shut down. In my area, it is difficult to find a woman that is interested in you, and vice versa. I just quit trying. If you know a woman who would be interested in me .. . please, share my phone number

JA: So what would happen if you were “shut down?” The reason it's difficult for you to find a woman who's interested in you is because you carry the self image that women aren't interested in you—you broadcast doubt and fear, the two biggest attraction killers.

Look, you can put me in any environment in the world and I'll attract women. Why? Because I have the self image that I am attractive to all women—I broadcast confidence and attraction, and women respond in kind. I don't know of any woman who would be interested in you because you have nothing that interests them. But, when you change your self image to one like mine, you'll find too many women who are interested in you.

Oh, and by the way, “trying” never got anyone anywhere—now that you've quit “trying” use the time to start “doing”—you'll be amazed at the results, especially when you bring a more useful self image into the equation.

So, I'm sure you guys want to know, how do you change your self image? The answer is simple: by taking tiny actions leading towards your ultimate goal, and building on those as you get small successes.

I can't teach a man in a day to get women to approach him—but I can dang sure teach him to get women to smile back at him, the first step in attraction. Once he does that and is comfortable with it, I can teach him to have a conversation, and so on and so forth. As the small successes build, so does your self image.