Modern society presents the teenager with many circumstances which can easily lead to stress and one of the main sources of stress for teenagers is to be found right at home in the shape of parents. That is not to say that parents are the direct cause of stress but the role that parents play can often create situations in which stress can develop for both themselves are their teenage children.

Setting a developing person adrift in today's complex society is a near guarantee of stress and this is basically the result of a perceived, insoluble conflict for the teenager between "I must" and "I can't". In other words the teenager finds himself in a situation where he feels that he must do something but simply can't do it for any one of a variety of different reasons. For an adult this problem would often not arise and the adult would be able to solve the problem but, in many cases, it is indeed true that the teenager can't.

Nobody would expect a thirteen year-old to know how to negotiate the challenges of the modern world without guidance. People aren't born knowing how cope with the rigors of adult life and such knowledge is rarely attained by the age of thirteen.

However, by the age of thirteen a boys and girls are no longer a children and are starting to develop a complex systems of values and certainly have some knowledge of the world. They also have the ability to begin exercising their powers independently and, when their independence is stifled the opportunity to test theories and solve problems is also stifled.

At this point in a young person's life they are between two alternatives, both of which provide the potential for stress. One alternative is that of independence in the sense of being totally abandoned to one's own devices and the other is a lack of independence in not being allowed to make choices and deal with the consequences.

The former leaves the teen in the position of having to solve problems they simply aren't ready to solve and the latter makes it extremely difficult for them to gain or expand their ability to solve problems.

Teenagers themselves recognize this problem and will often voice this recognition in comments such as "You never let me have my way" or "I'm old enough to make my own decisions". In response, some parents react by declaring that they will take whatever decisions need to be taken, while others will allow their teenagers the freedom they are asking for and simply leave them to 'sink or swim'.

The parent's dilemma is knowing in which circumstances to retain control of the decision making process and in which circumstances to let their teenagers have their heads. For the teenager however there is a great deal that can be done to help their parents out of this dilemma and save themselves a great deal of stress in the process.

Teenagers fall between the two stones of being children and being adults and can assist greatly by demonstrating that they are no longer the first and by emulating the second. Although it may appear to be something of a paradox, voluntarily taking on responsibility is a very effective way to minimize stress before it builds.

Although responsibility can lead to stress if it is met with resentment or fear, it can also help build those skills needed to head off stress before it grows if it is met with confidence and persistence.

The best way for a teenager to reduce the stress which comes from the fear of failure or the problem of dealing with stubborn parents is to successfully tackle the challenges by school and home life. Sometimes this will mean having to face failure and to start over but teenagers will gain practical knowledge from undertaking challenges and build psychological strength from the mere attempt at solving problems.