Is there anything sweeter in a relationship than having your girlfriends mother support it one hundred percent? There probably is, but I can't remember. Usually when a mother meets me, she's either impressed by my etiquette, or appreciates my honesty. I'd like to think I'm generally the kind of guy most girls wouldn't be terrified of bringing home to meet the "folks", and most parents wouldn't mind seeing with thier daughter. In 99.9% of relationships I've been in, its worked out like that.
Let me tell you about the other 0.01%
I've been called many things by parents. Most mothers would call me respectful, kind, honest and perhaps even funny and a good conversationalist. You can now add "looks like a monkey" to the list of fine titles.
Granted, this is probably true so it technically wouldn't be slander - but nuances aside, I still maintain my right to be shocked by my girlfriends mother drawing attention to my Curious George like features! I would have preferred "cute monkey" or even "disease free simian", but she didn't even specify the species or status as a vector. She has managed to insult me and leave me, the science geek, wondering exactly which primate I resemble.
I am secretly wishing for chimpanzee, but my girlfriend assures me that my features lend me more towards the baboon side of the genus.
Can I blame her? Sure I can but I wont. The drama queen in me wants to be mad, but after being dumped by my girlfriend twice, having her sister call me a bitch and my parents yell at me to about everything in general, looking like a monkey is the least of my worries. In fact, it may just bring me luck!
So perhaps my baboon-like tendencies will be responsible for an amazing MCAT score? Perhaps they will prevent me from being dumped once a week? Perhaps they'll help me choose the right lotto numbers? It honestly doesn't matter, because I've already gotten a good chuckle for the most inventive insult a girlfriends mother ever threw my way.
Respect goes to the mother who can make me laugh while raping me of my pride and dignity at the same time.
