Although a child is born with a large number of brain cells, most of them are lost after birth. When the brain learns something new, the brain cells make a connection, storing the information. Over a period of time, those cells which do not have any information stored in them are naturally discarded. This allows the remaining cells to develop further.

Depending on how you want your child's brain to develop, you must provide the required stimulus. For example, developing a child's language skills involves reading and speaking to him. Developing other areas will require a variety of different stimuli. Stimulating a child's brain starts from the moment a child is born. Most of a child's development takes place during the first year after birth.

Strong adult influence

The University of Chicago studied the development of 100 super achievers (research mathematicians, musicians, swimmers and tennis players) and discovered that their careers displayed a strong parent and teacher influence, proving that the gifted are nurtured, as well as born.

Most of them were strongly encouraged to pursue their career by a member of the family, or an exceptionally dedicated teacher who had the ability to differentiate the ordinary from the extraordinary. Some were motivated by their own decision and their family to take on hours of learning and training with an expert.

Three parenting behaviours influence

Creating the proper family environment so that our children are comfortable with who they are the foundation we must first lay down if we're to raise self-directed kids. After all, if they aren't at ease with their own sense of self, how can they trust their own choices? Instead, they'll rely on outside factors to guide them-outside influences that may be corrupt and destructive.

Three parenting behaviours promote external direction in our children: modelling externally directed behaviour in our own lives, being conditional with our children, and not having faith in our children.

1. Modelling externally directed behaviour in our own lives

The way we react to external influences is important because we help design the first blueprint for our children's sense of self through the behaviour we model. How we act, feel, and think is crucial, because our children see us as a reflection of the outside world as a glimpse into what they'll be like when they grow up. That's pretty scary stuff! And since most of us are externally directed to some degree, we want to be accepted by others too. If we're not careful, though, the behaviour we model will reflect an over-reliance on external influences. Things we must avoid include:

? Placing conditions on the approval we receive

? Trying to have the ?right image?

? Having expectations of reciprocity and entitlement

? Mishandling our feelings

2. Being conditional with our children

The second parenting faux pas is our behaving conditionally with our children. Nothing is more powerful in convincing them to look outward rather than inward for answers. Some specific examples:

? Using qualifying statements that suggest our love comes with strings attached, like "I love you, but," "I love you if," and "I love you, when."

? Showing them love only when they're perfect which sends them the message that they deserve love only when they meet our expectations of perfection!

? Leading our children to believe that we love them for who we expect them to become rather than who they are now.

3. Not having faith in our children

Another common message that pervades many family environments is that we have little or no faith in our children to make the right choices. This lack of faith in them always encourages our children to place more trust in external signals than internal ones.

Talk to your child

Positive talk with your child and generally within the household cannot be over-emphasized. Avoid criticism wherever possible; it is praise that produces good, successful behaviour. Be sure to find at least one thing to praise in your child every day. Even better; give praise as often as possible.

Are you having problems finding good behaviours to praise? If so, give your child a task to do that you know he is capable of. Children love earning their parents' approval. Also remember to praise your child for trying, on those occasions that he is not successful.