Heard that they said that it's rainin' men   But the offer that I make, it won't be made again   You don't have to write, you don't have to call   It's a one-time offer for nothing at all      And there's no red tape, I don't make it hard   You don't need cash money or a master card   I got easy terms, and a lay-away   But I need a quick decision, and I need it today      And if you find that you don't like my ways   Well, you can send me back in 30 days      Now have you ever seen a man with a guarantee?   Well you're lookin' at him now, 'cause the man is me   And if you don't believe all the things I say   I'm certified prime by the USDA      Now the name that I use is DJ Run   And I'm a fast-talkin' slow-walkin' number one   And if you don't believe all the words I say   Then you're a natural born fool who's got to be that way      I got a 50 rating and a 50 share   Every minute, every hour that I'm on the air   And when I come to town, I'm on a big marquee   It says DJ Run and me, D.M.C      And if you find that you don't like my ways   Well, you can send me back in 30 days      A good job and lots of money might not be enough   And to satisfy your needs it may be rough   But I take some care and treat you nice   And if it ain't sufficient once, I cold work it out twice      And if you find that you don't like my ways   Well, you can send me back in 30 days      I'm gonna give you everything that you ever need   If you need a pint of blood, then I'll even bleed   If you're lookin' for a car, I will buy you two   And if you're lookin' for a pet, I'll buy a kangaroo      If you need a vacation, we can fly the world   And you'll know I'll never look at another girl   I'm a single-minded man, and my mind is set   You're the lady of the '80s that I'm gonna get      And if you find you don't like my ways   Well, you can send me back in 30 days