Well I heard that you're leavin'   Gonna leave me far behind   'Cause you found a brand new lover   You decided that I'm not your kind      So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex   And I tore all your pictures in two   And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go   Just because it reminds me of you      That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'   I'm glad that you found somebody new   'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass   Than spend one more minute with you      I guess I might seem kinda bitter   You got me feelin' down in the dumps   'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love   And I have to use the self service pumps      Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase   You ain't gonna break my heart in two   'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face   Than spend one more minute with you      I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork   Than watch you going out with other men   I'd rather slam my fingers in a door      Again and again and again and again and again   Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'      I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches   Shove an icepick under a toenail or two   I'd rather clean all the bathrooms   In Grand Central Station with my tongue   Than spend one more minute with you      Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks   Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue   I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled   With double edged razor blades   Than spend one more minute with you      I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage   With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor   And stomp on it 'till I die      Than spend one more minute with you