All the secrets we have shared   Have moved to a couple better paired   So if he impales himself on javelin or spike   I will try my best to be the perfect lookalike      And if he wants to be smart   And enter a property quiz   Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his   Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his      And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch   I will gladly supplement that extra little inch   And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz   If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his   If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his      Now you've found someone new   May I watch him do what I used to do   So if he dies an ugly death or even if he faints   I'll be there at the window with my face pressed up against      Maybe I shouted too loud   Maybe you were blissfully deaf   But I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref   I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref      And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch   I will gladly supplement that extra little inch   And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz   If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his   If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his      I hope he likes to fly   And is a good host to every guest   'Cause there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death   Yes there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death      And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch   I will gladly supplement that extra little inch   And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz   If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his   If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his      Now you've found someone new