Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher   He's found a way to make them pay   For the deviant things they do and say   Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher   He's a dutiful man with his task at hand   And he's bound to insure with his master plan   The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher      In October of 1968 in the heart of Montague Square   There was rumor of some deviation   So Pilcher's Squad was there   Though it was determined before the intrudence   The flat was fully clear   When Pilcher arrived and made his inspection   The hashing magically appeared      Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher   He's found a way to make them pay   For the deviant things they do and say   Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher   He's a dutiful man with his task at hand   And he's bound to insure with his master plan   The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher      In March of 1969 on return from the store   Patty Harrison found Pilcher's squad waiting at her door   Planting tidbits on the pop-stars seemed quite the thing to do   'Till it landed Pilcher in the pokie in 1972      Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher   He's found a way to make them pay   For the deviant things they do and say   Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher   He's a dutiful man with his task at hand   And he's bound to insure with his master plan   The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher