And if one day I should become   A singer with a Spanish bum   Who sings for women of great virtue   I'd sing to them with a guitar   I borrowed from a coffee bar   Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you      My name would be Antonio   And all my bridges I would burn   And when I gave them some they'd know   I'd expect something in return      I'd have to get drunk every night   And talk about virility   With some old grandmother   That might be decked out like a Christmas tree      And no pink elephants I'd see   Though I'd be drunk as I could be   I'd sing that song they sang to me   About the time they called me 'Jacky'      If I could be for only an hour   If I could be for an hour every day   If I could be for just one little hour   Cute in a stupid ass way      And if I joined the social whirl   Became procurer of young girls   Then I could have my own bordellos   My record would be number one   And I'd sell records by the ton   All sung by many other fellows      My name would then be Handsome Jack   And I'd sell boats of opium   Whiskey that came from Twickenham   Authentic queens and phoney virgins      I'd have a bank on every finger   A finger in every country   And every country ruled by me   I'd still know where I wanna be      Locked up inside my opium den   Surrounded by some china men   I'd sing the song that I sang then   About the time they called me 'Jacky'      If I could be for only an hour   If I could be for an hour every day   And I could be for just one little hour   Cute in a stupid ass way      Now tell me, wouldn't it be nice   That if one day in paradise   I'd sing for all the ladies up there?   And they would sing along with me   And we be so happy there to be   'Cause down below is really nowhere      My name would then be Jupiter   Then I would know where I was going   Become all knowing   My beard so very long and flowing      If I could play deaf, dumb and blind   Because I pitied all mankind   And broke my heart to make things right   I know that every single night      When my angelic work was through   The Angels and the Devil too   Could sing my childhood song to me   About the time they called me 'Jacky'      If I could be for only an hour   If I could be for an hour every day   If I could be for just one little hour   Cute in a stupid ass way