The banana’s lookin’ brown except for where I left that sticker  And the spice rack is empty ‘cept for cinnamon, salt and pepper  The tea in the jar is ten years old, Lemon Lint and Chamomold  And the coffeepot is stickin’ to the maker,  Which is stickin’ to the counter  Soup-can sentinels guard the pre-colonial cupboard  With hibernating honey, tins of tuna and cardboard crackers  And now the brand new honey with the angel face  Wants to come over and see my place  And chewin’ on a grape slash raisin I mull it over  But I know it would kill the deal  If she saw my Achilles’ heel    Telltale Kitchen  If you want her to stay you best keep her away  Telltale kitchen  Telltale kitchen  The microwave is broken  The smoke detector’s smokin’  Telltale kitchen    Over in the fridge the mustard, catsup, mayonnaise and butter  Have formed an uncanny resemblance to each other  And the prehistoric bagels in the bag in the back  Are hiding from the dairy on the death row rack  As the fish flavored iceberg spawns upstream in the freezer  You would think that the sink wouldn’t stink  ''cause it looks like it’s hardly been used  But who knows what grows in the disposal  After years of beers half drunk get dumped  And no-one’s fixin’ the water pump    Telltale Kitchen  If you want her to stay you best keep her away  Telltale Kitchen  Telltale Kitchen  If you are what you eat  I’m maggoty meat  Telltale Kitchen    The blender’s on a bender fermenting the remainder  Of a porridge of origin too ancient to remember  But mercifully the rubber cap is permanently stuck there  So the substrate self-perpetuates ad-nauseinfinitum  My ego is an ego sequestered in the freezer  Like an Eskimo they leggo for bein’ a grumpy geezer  And the trough-full of drosophila assaulting the falafel  Make the Amityville horde look like a hospital ward    Telltale kitchen  If you want her to stay you best keep her away  Telltale kitchen  Telltale kitchen  The garbage had grown  A bouquet of it's own  Telltale kitchen