I call you from my car to say, "I'll be there in awhile,"   A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.   Nothing on the radio, I fiddle with the dial,   Then I see a sign, the airport's just another mile.   I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly.   And as I near security, I almost start to cry.      Well, I hope the law enforcement agents can't tell from my face,   I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.   I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,   Cause with 4 balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.   Crowded up in there.      My mind is all a jumble and my blood is cold as ice,   I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.   "Relax," I say, "It's not so bad, it might feel kinda nice.   Besides, who hasn't a finger up there once or twice?"   I must remember, don't leave any drugs inside the host,   I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed!      Well, I say a little prayer, Hail Maria Full of Grace,   I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.   I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,   And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear,   From my derriere.      I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash,   5 balloons of ecstasy and 6 balloons of hash.   8 balloons of LSD and 9 of Sensimil.   A box of Chinese fireworks, Guatemalan child.   I made it to my gate now and my joy I can't contain,   I board the aircraft and take my seat in the cockpit of the plane!      As I taxi down the runway, I get a smile on my face,   I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.   Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air,   And, by the way, does anyone want to by Guatemalan child?   From my derriere.      I got 3 balloons.   Uh, I got 3 balloons.   Oooh, I got 3 balloons!