I work down at The Pizza Pit   And I drive an old Hyundai   I still live with my mom and dad   I'm five foot three and overweight   I'm a sci: fi fanatic, mild asthmatic   Never been to second base   But there's a whole 'nother me   That you need to see   Go check out Myspace.      'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood   I'm six foot five and I look damn good   I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate   And I love a good glass of wine   It turns girls on that I'm mysterious   I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious   'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat   With two women at one time.      I'm so much cooler online   I'm so much cooler online.      I get home I kiss my mom   And she fixes me a snack   I head down to my basement bedroom   And fire up my Mac   In real life the only time   I've ever even been to L.A.   Was when I got the chance with the marching band   To play tuba in the Rose Parade.      But online I live in Malibu   I pose for Calvin Klein   I've been in GQ   I'm single and I'm rich   And I got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind   It turns girls on that I'm mysterious   I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious   'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat   With two women at one time.      I'm so much cooler online   Yeah, I'm cooler online.      When you've got my kind of stats   It's hard to get a date   Let alone a real girlfriend   But I grow another foot and lose a bunch of weight   Every time I log in.      Online I'm out in Hollywood   I'm six foot five and I look damn good   Even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat   With two women at one time.      I'm so much cooler online   Yeah, I'm cooler online   I'm so much cooler online   Yeah, I'm cooler online.