Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor   They're just tiny little rumors   That I started 'cause I'm lookin' out for you   Oh settle down, I'm just a little jealous   and I'm sure those other fellas   never once believed the lies I told were true      Like the time I told that cowboy   that you used to be a man   and the doctor you were datin'   that you hide your wedding band   even if I am responsible for scaring them away   you really ought to thank me    I was doin' you a favor   'cause it never woulda worked out anyway      Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doin'    all the crazy things I'm doin'   Is because I really care about you girl   and I'll admit I go a little farther   than I know I probably oughta   But it's all because I need you in my world      Like the time I told that lawyer   that you spent a year in jail   and the salesman you were seein'   you hang out in cheap motels   even if I am responsible for scaring them away   You really ought to thank me    I was doin' you a favor   'cause it never woulda worked out anyway      I can't stand the thought of you    with anybody else   I know I've gone overboard   but I can't help myself      Like the time I told that dentist   you had seven little kids   and you doubled as a dancer at the strip club on the ridge   even if I am responsible for scaring them away   You really ought to thank me    I was doin' you a favor   'cause it never woulda worked out anyway      It's all because I love you and    I can't stop thinking of you   and it never woulda worked out anyway