Because Bugs Bug Me, I Kill em

By: David S. Brooks
I’ve heard that some people like to keep bugs as pets, and there are plenty of scientists that spend their lives studying the suckers. But I simply can’t believe that there is anyone in the world who honestly has a soft spot in their heart for insects. Those entomologists must harbor some deep seated hatred that they keep in check by flexing some control over the creatures by keeping them captive and measuring their organs. It’s their way of lording over arthropods, and I have a serious hunch that it stems from a genuine loathing.

Personally, I wear my unconditional disgust for all creepy-crawlers smack dab on my sleeve. If I run a cross a bug, my first move is to squash that critter before he gets a chance to dig into my flesh with his stinger or fangs. I don’t care if butterflies are beautiful to some people. When one of those colorful creatures flies at me, all I can think about is its germy proboscis slithering around on my skin. I have no qualms about ripping the wings right out of their bodies when they flitter into arm’s length. But I don’t discriminate. Be they ladybugs or black widows, I’ll mash any insect I run across into a wad of sidewalk slop.

But my shoe soles can only do so much work. That’s why I love the massive front-end of my ’03 F-350. Like Louie Anderson at an all-you-can-eat buffet, the monstrous grille on my Super Duty simply devours any pest that gets in its way. Every Saturday when I give her a good washing, I can’t keep track of all the corpses lodged in the radiator, bumper and headlights. However, I hate having to stare at the slimy remains of exploded June Bugs and dragonflies on my windshield. A buddy of mine told me about an amazing auto accessory: bug avoidance shields. Apparently, when you mount one of these onto your hood, it alters your aerodynamics to push the flow of air up over your roof instead of right into your windshield.

Initially, I was apprehensive about the whole business. I figured that sending those critters soaring over my roof instead of putting them out of business with my windshield was too merciful. But the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized that I’d still be doing my part to keep the bug population in check. You see, even if I don’t obliterate them outright, I’m sure that the sheer force of whizzing over my Ford at 75 miles per hour would do some serious damage. With a snapped thorax, some mangled antennae, and a clipped wing, I doubt even the heartiest cockroach in the world could last for long. So after doing some research about bug deflectors & Weathertech side window deflectors, I picked out a set. The bug avoidance shield works like a charm, and I really like the side window deflectors. They allow me to roll down the windows and not have my music drowned out by wind noise. I like to blast Flight of the Valkyries while I’m out battling with the bugs. It sounds like…I don’t know. Victory.

Best bug avoidance practices dictate installing bug deflectors on the hood of your vehicle. And for maximum results I recommend a set of Weathertech side window deflectors. The Flight of the Valkyries music is optional. - David S. Brooks
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