A very large part of being a good persuader is being a good listener. Being a good listener is something that some people are naturally good at, some people, not so good (and still others, quite poor). So if you are eager at becoming a good persuader, sharpening your listening skills is absolutely mandatory.

When you listen actively, you are not formulating your arguments or answers in your head as they are talking. You're actually listening while they are talking. When they are done talking, that is the time to formulate your response. There are both verbal and non-verbal indications that you are listening -- for example, eye contact is a big one (if you're in person), same with nodding or smiling or other facial or physical agreements. If you're on the phone, you'll give verbal prodding, like an occasional 'um hum'. Listening requires also that you ask pertinent follow up questions.

The power of listening is most apparent in persuasion when we elicit our prospect's criteria and core values. We ask the question, "What will having X do for you?" When we ask this, we prepare ourselves to listen. We unlock the core values and criteria of our prospects and clients and in order to gain full advantage, we have to hear what they're saying and not be off in our minds thinking of what we're going to say next.

After we get the the first part of their criteria and dig even deeper to get the ultimate criteria, we are also paraphrasing back to them, exactly what we heard them say. "So, what you're telling me is, having X will do this for you" or "As I understand it, what you are looking to do is have more Y in your life". . . These follow ups show our prospects and clients that we understand what they are looking for therefore building more trust and getting them to reveal even more of what makes them tick.

Taking this a step further, if your prospect replies to you with auditory, kinesthetic or visual words, you can ask your follow up questions with those words as well. 'I see that having a new financial advisor will brighten your future and give you a greater vision of the life you've always pictured.' (FYI, that was a visual orientation. . . )

Silence is a powerful tool to use as well. Many people are quite uncomfortable with silence and will continue to talk to fill that up. This works to our advantage because the more we know about our prospect's wants and needs, the better we will be able to fulfill them with our products and services (if, that in fact, is the case).

Another very important aspect of listening is knowing how to respond with empathy. We all have wildly different experiences in life and sometimes it's hard to know how to relate to other people, but keep in mind, that despite our differences, we are all fundamentally driven by the same things. . . the core drives. We've all experienced loss, joy, frustration, enthusiasm. . . and on some level, we can connect with another's experience.

Listening is something that you can learn through practice and persistence.