In the same way musicians are taught to consider the value of the notes they do NOT play, coaches need to be taught that there are times when certain questions would do more harm than good. Trainee coaches are often given lists of example questions when they are first being taught - I provide them on a handout. But I'm always at pains to stress that they are ONLY examples. We need to recognize that the coach will need to adapt them to fit the needs of the situation, the current coachee and their own style. They also need to realize that while we might be quite happy to ask questions in a set sequence, our coachees' brains are unlikely to operate in the same linear fashion and answers can come from all manner of directions. Flexibility is key.

We need to play down ARROW, GROW et al and play up Awareness, Responsibility and Trust. These are the three key principles of coaching and it is these same principles that any questioning sequence is simply trying to evoke.

Consider the following case study:

Ravi worked as a Client Relationship Manager for a Hotel and Conference Centre. He was not comfortable with his ability to handle requests for discounts from regular clients and so asked Sue, his manager, for some coaching on his negotiation skills.

Sue wanted to be helpful and so she listed the coaching ARROW questions on a piece of paper with space underneath to record Ravi's answers.

Sue and Ravi moved to a quiet area and Sue carefully asked the questions in sequence and took detailed notes of Ravi's answers. Ravi noticed that after she had asked each question, Sue looked down at her notes and did not make eye contact with Ravi or make any kind of verbal or non-verbal response to his answers. He found that this made it difficult to focus and to think deeply and he was not convinced that Sue was really trying to help but instead was working through the coaching session quite mechanically in an effort to get it done and out of the way.

He also noticed that many of Sue's questions started with words like "Don't you think you ought....." and "Would it not be better if...." And this made him think that Sue was just trying to steer him towards her own ideas.

Later on when a colleague asked Ravi how the session had gone, he replied that it had been a complete and utter waste of time.

Without a thorough understanding of the underlying principles of awareness, responsibility and trust, we can end up doing more harm than good in a coaching session. On the other hand, when we do understand the underlying principles it is possible to ask coaching questions in a much more natural and conversational way. It also enables us to concentrate more on the person being coached rather than trying to remember what question comes next.

How then do we avoid the trap that Sue fell into of allowing an obsession with the questions to make the session seem robotic and forced?

A good technique is to practise self-coaching. Have a list of coaching questions nearby and think through an situation of your own by maybe writing your answers on a piece of paper. In this way the questions take root in your memory but you also develop a feel for the obvious suplementary questions and you can gain an understanding of the type of thought that the questions prompt.

It is also a good idea to perhaps explain to the coachee that you are not asking questions to gain information. This is the usual reason of course and probably what the coachee expects. They may be more used to giving sparse, vague replies, especially if discussing a difficult performance issue. Explain instead that your intention is to raise awareness, etc. so they can find their own unique answers in their own unique way. This results in them giving you fuller responses and avoids the need for the coach to have to ask multiple questions in order to get a detailed response.