Granite worktops in the kitchen are becoming more and more an essential luxury addition for the trend conscious householder but not all in the granite garden is rosy. In our previous home I installed pink granite worktops and lived with them for five years until our recent move and in the light of this experience I feel it is my duty to warn prospective buyers of some of the pitfalls and risks and indeed dangers of installing granite worktops!

The newly fitted granite did look fabulous and my wife who had waited years for this day, was over the moon! It quickly became very apparent that nothing was going to be allowed that might mar this pristine new look. Our formerly cluttered and homely kitchen became a temple to gleaming work surfaces!

The first hint of trouble came when I became acutely aware of just how cold granite is. Sitting at my granite breakfast table in the mornings trying gamely to enjoy a healthy bowl of muesli, I found my elbows and arms starting to suffer serious chills. In the winter and in spite of central heating this effect approached something akin to frostbite! The simple solution of course would be to use a thick table cloth. This idea however, was vetoed by my darling wife who simply refused to see her beloved granite covered up. I was told to stop whinging!

I found I was no longer welcome to sort out my fishing gear in the kitchen even though I pointed out that the maggots could never harm the granite!

I was to find another danger of granite on the one occasion when I tried to re-build the carburettor of my motorbike on the kitchen work top ( I thought my wife was out for the entire evening!) - the risk from flying shrapnel! The coffee mug heaved at me in the ensuing discussion, narrowly missed my head but hit the edge of the granite worktops and exploded!

I now spend more time in my colder but safer shed!

Any visitor to our home was immediately escorted straight to the kitchen and offered tea or coffee and made to admire the superb finish of granite while waiting for their brew. The conversations always somehow turned to the wonderful qualities of granite, how easy to keep clean, how hygienic, how impervious to heat, we would encourage them to peer across the surface of the granite and admire as the light form the window reflected across the flawless surface.

Our neighbours no longer talked to us. Family seldom visited and our few remaining friends, having had their noses rubbed in the fact that they couldn’t afford granite wortops always insisted that we go to them for dinner!

Granite worktops won’t help your love life either! I have already mentioned how cold granite is. Without going into too much sordid detail, suffice it to say the cold is a real passion killer! Not to mention that wet granite is very nearly a frictionless surface and being admitted to hospital with a badly bruised spine and frozen bum is no joke! I never had this trouble with Formica! Enough said I think.

I already have the granite for the kitchen in our new house. Its been stored in the shed for the last three years. For some reason I never seem to have the time to fit them. My wife however, is very determined, she loved our previous granite and is quite insistent that the new worktops will be fitted soon and I am running out of excuses.

So before committing yourself to a granite kitchen consider the risks! Granite may be tough, easy to clean and look fantastic but is it worth all the pain?