Hello muddah, hello faddah   Here I am at Camp Granada   Camp is very entertaining   And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.      I went hiking with Joe Spivy   He developed poison ivy   You remember Leonard Skinner   He got ptomaine poison last night after dinner.      All the counselors hate the waiters   And the lake has alligators   And the head coach wants no sissies   So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.      How I don't want this to scare ya   But my bunkmate has malaria   You remember Jeffrey Hardy   They're about to organize a searching party.      Take me home, oh muddah, faddah   Take me home, I hate Granada   Don't leave me out in the forest where   I might get eaten by a bear.   Take me home I promise I will not make noise   Or mess the house with other boys.   Oh please don't make me stay   I've been here one whole day.      Dearest faddah, darling muddah,   How's my precious little bruddah   Let me come home, if you miss me   I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.      Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.   Guys are swimming, guys are sailing   Playing baseball, gee that's better   Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.