Well my baby came at me with a 2x4    So I fought her off with sandpaper    It was 60 grit, it was really rough    And it made a lot of sawdust       But we patched things up with love and glue    We went to the church and said "I do"    Our honeymoon was at a hardware store    Our love's a lot like particle board       Particle Board, it ain't got no grain    Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain    Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that    Our love's a lot like particle board       Well I heard the train come rolling by    With cattle on board, so we decided    We should drop everything and hop that train    And take a one-way trip to the slaughterhouse       Well we stared at the cattle as they took the walk    To meet the man who worked the saw    We stared at the blood and the guts and the gore    It looked an awful lot like particle board       Particle Board, it ain't got no grain    Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain    Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that    Our love's a lot like particle board       We made love on a flat bed truck    She worried about getting splinters in her butt    I said don't think about those problems when we rut    The deck's made of particle board       Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh       Particle board, you could make a dresser    Or a shelf or a hutch or an ottoman    You could leave it like it is or paint it up    It's still gonna be made of particle board    Particle board, it's useful stuff    It's stronger than glue, it's better than fluff    It sounds like a simile and that's enough    To say that our love's a lot like particle board       Our love's a lot like particle board    Our love's a lot like particle board    Our love's a lot like particle board       Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh    Particle Board!