Well, I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town.    I believe in God and Senator Dodge and keepin' old Castro down.   And when it came my time to serve, I knew "Better Dead Than Red,"   but when I got to my old drop port, buddy, this is what I said:      "Sarg., I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen,    I always carry a purse!    I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat,    and my asthma's getting worse!    Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear,    my poor old uncle and aunt.    Besides I ain't no fool, I'm going to school,    and I'm workin' in a defense plant.       I got a dislocated disc, and a _________ back    and I'm allergic to flowers and bugs.    And when the bomb shell hits I get epileptic fits    and I'm addicted to a thousand drugs.    I got the weakness woes, can't touch my toes,    I can hardly reach my knees.    And if the enemy came close to me,    I'd probably start to sneeze."      "Sarg., I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen,    I always carry a purse!    I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat,    and my asthma's getting worse!    Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear,    my poor old uncle and aunt.    Besides I ain't no fool, I'm going to school,    and I'm workin' in a defense plant.       And I hate showin' why, and I hope he dies    but one thing you've got to see    is that someone's gotta go over there    and that someone isn't me.    So I wish you well, Sarg., give 'em hell,    and kill me a thousand or so.    And if you ever get a war without blood and gore,    well, I'll be the first to go!"      "Sarg., I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen,    I always carry a purse!    I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat,    and my asthma's getting worse!    Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear,    my poor old uncle and aunt.    Besides I ain't no fool, I'm going to school,    and I'm workin' in a defense plant.