Walls Of Communication!

By: Dorothy Lafrinere

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. Inorder to

make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trustin

another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, itis a

very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games withthat

trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust willsurely

create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you trulytrust

another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. Youare

at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind ofemotional

attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst thoseemotions

This is why communication is so important. It is the key toopening

all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked andone

will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more

productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. Iam not

saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, itcan be

done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every

forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass inthe

future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect,they will

have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future.Those

are extremely important in tearing down those walls.

Communication is a very important act between two people. Iteven has

more importance than sex to keep a relationship buildingstronger. In

order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. Ifone

mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in

confusion and frustration.

Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry aboutthe

EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds the color to our blackand

white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we allworried

and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing.But only

for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each otherwould

get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds,but what

would be the point if we thought and worried the same.

A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in arelationship.

It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and alsoour

own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then willwe

offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very

important thing about a person sharing their inner most fearsand

disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person orwalk away

in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it andhear

them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or

nonsensical because you would never have those concerns.Remember the

ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you bothcommunicate,

otherwise you will add another block to the wall ofcommunication

breakdown.

When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If weare

not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, wewill

quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brickhas

then been set, the foundation of the wall to communicationbreakdown

will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a singlerelationship

that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall ofcommunication.

There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into

situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and

disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationshiptogether

in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to pageone

and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental heartswe can

get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in arelationship.

Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humanscreate, is

to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word

"regurgitate", because that's how I view having things beingtossed

back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovelyhabit

(NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when weare in

the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because wealready

know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheapand

bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most

communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end upshooting

old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem thereis

that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happeningis that

both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocksto

the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.

Communication can only really work when neither party is being

selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they arebeing

attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is allabout

hurting them. They have automatically closed an open doorwithout even

realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feelthis way.

Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let theother

party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfishact.

That is why it is important that we take turns with each otherand try

to understand what is actually being said. If one partnermisunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are

responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to getthem

to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until theother

person has completely finished.

This is why the power of writing is so productive. One personwrites

his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of beingderailed

from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all oftheir

chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this,so

listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdownis

starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to eachother is

a very good way to bypass the wall.

Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helpsyou

to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional whenwriting

it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was justupset

at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of usstruggling

with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.

Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that youwill

never be able to communicate with your partner again and justwant to

run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and whyyou

are running from. Are you running from a partner that could verywell

be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact

running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with?

Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you willrun

forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your

relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away isa cop

out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight andtrust

that your partner will understand your troubles is a true signof

courage and one that will be greatly respected.

We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they didhappen

and that is what they are, past issues. To have your pastcontinue to

come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whetherit is a

person or just an experience, it should be left in the past.This is

where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When weare

made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimesmakes

them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to comeabout

again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with

another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will beweak

in defense and our ability to communicate positively will bealmost

non-existent.

Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threatto

their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with

through love and understanding. Again we must communicate witheach

other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and truefears.

That wall of communication breakdown will never completely comedown

if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrongthat

they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure mostany

mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing andhonest

with each other.

********************************************

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are alldifferent

in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as aguide

to our communication with others."

- Anthony Robbins

"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they willnever

replace kisses and hugzzz"

-Dorothy

"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I thinkthat

love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as thebetter,

not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the

closest can share, with communication, respect,"

-Anonymou

Communications
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