1. Deep Listening



What we say is often not what we actually mean. Deep beneath the surface layers of our words lies our true message.

How do we listen to our partner's deep meaning?

We listen with our whole body. We relax into our body, take deeper and fuller breaths, and attune to the energy of their entire being. When we do this, we drop down inside ourselves into compassion. We ?bypass? our own fear, and we awaken to who they are in the moment, what they are expressing, what they most want, what they are asking for.

Deep listening involves so much more than our ears. When we listen solely with our ears, we listen in a conditioned way. We listen through our filters, our resentments, our assumptions and our own fears.

When we ?Deep Listen?, our being is recognizing another's being.

This creates more trust. As we ?receive? our partner in a more holistic way, they feel safer and more completely accepted by us. This deepens our intimacy - as they naturally offer more of their innermost selves with us.

2. ?I am Grateful For ? I Forgive You For?

This is one of the most effective and relationship-transforming practices that my husband brought into the fledgling stages of our relationship. It goes like this ?

As you lie in bed at night ? or sitting together on the sofa if you prefer ? sense together (each evening has a different ?flow?) who will speak first ? and who will listen.

The speaker takes a moment to relax his or her body, letting its weight fall heavily into the sofa or the bed. Taking a few deep breaths, he or she then vocalizes 5 things that ?I am grateful for? pertaining to his or her partner. Then he or she vocalizes 5 things that ?I forgive you for?. During this, the partner remains silent and deeply listens ? without response or reaction.

Then the roles reverse. The listener becomes the speaker, and vice versa.

What develops ? through this practice ? is an opportunity to express and to receive reflections of how deeply we enrich each other's lives (?I am grateful for?). Plus it is an opportunity to express in a safe environment what we wish was different in our partner's way of being and living (?I forgive you for?). In silence as the listener, we have the tremendous opportunity of simply hearing what someone close to us desires we do or be differently.

My husband and I practiced this for approximately two years at the beginning of our relationship. We built such a foundation of love and respect and clear communication through this simple practice. Nothing was out of bounds to communicate or to hear. Our relationship is so incredibly honest and trusting as a result of this.

3. Shared Vision

The ideal relationship is one in which we are complements to each other ? we each bring unique experiences, viewpoints and desires to our shared relationship.

The best relationships are ones in which a ?Shared Vision? grows. This Vision might include a homestead which nourishes both people and fosters greater depth in the relationship. A philanthropic project which gives both people ? together ? an experience of deep sharing with others. A company or business which is a vehicle for both people to share their passionate attributes. A hobby or travel destination which inspires both people and supports them to grow deeper in their love.

A Shared Vision can be anything. It is simply this ? a desire which both people share to create something meaningful together.

This ?Shared Vision? becomes a magnet which draws both people deeper into themselves and simultaneously closer together. It brings out the best in them.

This ?Shared Vision? ? just like the relationship itself ? develops a life of its own. This ? is what makes a relationship so magnificent.

4. Love, Tenderness, and Laughter

No matter how robust two people are. No matter how athletic they are. No matter how much worldly responsibility they share. ? It is vital that Tenderness and Laughter be given a room in every relationship.

Love is borne of Tenderness and Laughter. Like play, it is in this energy field that we let down our guards, soften our underbellies, and expose our most precious elements to our partner.

Taking vacations together is one of the best ? and easiest ? ways to access Tenderness and Laughter.

It's essential, too, to create the space / time for Tenderness and Laughter in our day-to-day at-home lives.

A simple way to ensure its presence is to hold an intention to find at least one moment in every day to say a genuine ?I Love You? to your partner. Not a rote one ? words that are hollow. A genuine one. This may require you to slow down, let go of judgment and blame, and listen to them deeply.

What drew you to your partner initially? Is that quality or attribute still there? What has blossomed since you met? What is special or unique about them?

Your not recognizing their greatest assets is not because they don't have them. It may simply be that you've become ? temporarily ? preoccupied with your own pain or frustration to notice them.

Slow down. Take a deep breath. And remember what you love most about your partner. Then say ? ?I love you? ? from the depth of your belly, and the fullness of your heart.

? And notice how your relationship deepens and widens ? how much more bliss flows in.

5. Be In the Now

Most relationships crumble because one or both partners become snagged in the past. Blame, un-communicated challenges, and resentment are the primary causes of this.

If your relationship breaks down, it will likely be that one of these three have existed.

If you have chosen your partner as someone whom you can Respect, Play with, be an Ally in Growth with, Share a Vision with, and Trust, then your relationship will last blissfully long ? as long as you both are growing concurrently.

All relationships end. They naturally end when the benefit of our being together has run its full course.

Most relationships end ?unnecessarily?. They end precisely because one or both people built up resentment over time rather than taking responsibility for communicating something that was irritating them. Or they end because one or both people weren't Self Loving and therefore weren't open to truly giving and receiving love.

Your relationship blossoming into one of unparalleled bliss is completely within your ability.

Take a deep breath.

Go back to when you first met. Skip forward in time, picking up everything about your partner and about being together that still nourishes you. And let everything else go.

This is who you are as a relationship now. Nothing else matters. Drop it.

Be the love and joy and appreciation that you are now.

Practice this regularly ? every six months at least.

This will ?refresh? your relationship ? just like cleaning a chalk board or refreshing your computer screen.

Your relationship is so precious. Practice these 5 Tips frequently. Keep training your mind to experience your relationship In The Now.

Copyright (c) 2008 HeartSong Solutions