No matter how conscientious we are about taking care of ourselves, it is part of the nature of the role of a mother to get burned out from time to time. The key is developing techniques and skills for bouncing back from these challenging periods.



I have developed seven steps for getting my mojo back when I am burned out. I start by going back to the basics of self-nurturing and then I add elements of self-care one by one. I owe a debt to psychologist Abraham Maslow's "hierarchy of needs" for influencing the framework underlying these ideas.

1. Fill your own cup. When you are burned out, it's time to go back to basics. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating well? If you are feeling ill, do you promptly make an appointment to see the doctor? This may sound so basic that it doesn't need to be said, but how many times do we as mothers take care of everyone except ourselves? I know that sometimes after I've fed everyone else breakfast and gotten them out of the door in the morning, I truly forget that I have not actually eaten breakfast myself.

It is worth making our basic needs a conscious and well-tended priority. Sleep in particular is something that is tempting to cut short as we juggle our daily demands, but long-term sleep deprivation can lead to serious burnout. Sleep experts tell us that our entire nation is dangerously sleep deprived and there is not doubt that mothers are at high risk. "Sleep debt" does not spontaneously get better on its own. The only way to recover is to "pay it off" by sleeping more.

2. Value your free time. If you are in an intense phase of motherhood that leaves you little time to pursue your own interests, you can use this as an opportunity to bring your desires into focus. Before you have a chance to act, observe where you are pulled. What would you do if you did have free time? Frustration can be used as "creative tension" and for me, one of the great lessons of motherhood is that it taught me to truly value my free time and spend it wisely.

3. As your mojo comes back, experiment and explore. Your energy might start flowing in new directions that don't end up being your final path, and may even flow in ways that aren't productive at first. That's okay. You can direct that energy in a more focused way later on. I enjoyed having the luxury to develop my new interests under the radar as a stay-at-home mom. I was able to start writing my book without having the pressure of outside deadlines or expectations.

4. As you experiment, take a small step in one new direction as you explore a new path or adjust an old one. This could include career research and planning, or creative endeavors. We give our kids many opportunities to try out new things, but how often to we give ourselves permission to take that leap of faith--to find a new interest, or even to learn that we aren't good at it and that's okay?

5. Free your mindspace, play, and have fun as much as possible, both with your kids and on your own. In all of our discussions about parenting, I think that fun is the element that is left out much too often. It is a gift to rediscover the joys of kids' play. Parenting is humbling and it's okay to learn not to take ourselves too seriously.

6. Enlist family teamwork. Make the invisible housework visible, and then divide fairly. As they say, "You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate." I know that sometimes it feels easier and quicker to just do housework ourselves in the short run, but over the long term this will lead to resentment and burnout. It is worth the effort to teach all family members to be involved in household tasks. Being a mom is signing up for a life of service but should not mean that we become our family's servant.

7. The world needs your leadership. Find a cause you believe in and get involved in whatever way you can at this stage of your life. Even if you just make a small donation now to a cause you support, doing so will help you stay connected to work you care about. Mothers can be a powerful force for good if we all do what we can.

The gifts and challenges of motherhood form a complex weave. Along the way you'll need to slay the dragons of stereotyping, inauthenticity, dealing with the gap between expectation and reality, feeling your emotions, staying centered, and dealing with stress. You'll need to develop your own approaches to slaying these dragons...or making friends with them.