All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. Unless you want to be one of the millions of couples who are stuck in leading dull and exciting lives you must decide to work on giving your marriage the attention it deserves. It is possible to keep the flames of passion alive.



In the beginning, passionate feelings and romantic gestures seemed to flow without much effort. As time goes on, we settle into routines and many couples forget to do the things that keep their passion alive. You have to be proactive. You must make an effort to stay connected. You must make up your mind that you will love your spouse. It is not something that is just going to happen.

If you want to have a passionate relationship then you need to invest your time in your spouse. I do not believe that we forget how to be passionate towards the one we love. We just do not make it our priority.

However, in case I need to jog our memory, I suggest you pull out photographs of when you and your spouse first met. Study your expression. How did you look at him? How did you talk to her? Could you listen to her for hours? Did you comfort him if he was discouraged? Remember how you carried yourself. Remember how you used to drive twenty minutes out of your way to see her for five minutes. Once you have recaptured these memories then make a commitment to live your today's with your spouse in this same manner.

Let me share some more strategies on how you can keep the flames of passion alive:

1) Plan a special day together for just the two of you. Perhaps take a day off work to do so.

2) Be playful. Laugh together.

3) Write a love letter to your spouse. Make it a little unpredictable. Say things you might not ordinarily say.

4) Take walks together. Consider a walk on a moonlit night.

5) Take turns initiating affection so that it does not always fall under the responsibility of the same partner.

6) Go on a picnic.

7) Go to a romantic restaurant from time to time, not always to a family buffet.

8) Have candlelight dinners at home.

9) Watch romantic movies.

10) Go on a weekend getaway.

11) Hold hands.

12) Hold your spouse in such a way that he/she knows you care.

13) Slow dance to music.

14) Send your wife flowers for no other reason than to let her know you love her. (If your wife pays the bills, pay for the flowers at the florist yourself. Do not let the bill come home for her to have to write a check for her own flowers.

You might say, "But Mark, we have children and we are constantly on the go." Here are some strategies you can implement:

1) Make sure the children go to bed at a decent hour so you will have time together alone.

2) If you have teenagers, plan Saturday morning dates when they tend to sleep in.

3) A date does not have to mean dinner and a movie. A date can be anything that gives you an opportunity to concentrate on each other. From my experience, a standard date night does not work well for couples with children.

4) Create a romantic atmosphere in your home. This may be as simple as lighting candles or dimming the lights.

5) Always give your spouse a goodbye hug and kiss before leaving in the morning.

6) When you return home, always greet your spouse first, even though the children will run to the door first.

7) Say, "I love you " often.

8) Save some of your best self each day for your spouse. Do not give them the leftovers.

9) Look at old photographs and reminisce together.

10) Respect your spouse even when you disagree. Never belittle your spouse, whether or not others are around.

If you want good health, you must eat right and exercise. If you want a marriage that embraces passion, you must take the time to enjoy the company of the person you love. I believe that passion can be recaptured and grow to unimaginable dimensions. Decide to be a passionate spouse.

Start today.