For many couples planning a wedding, the steps can seem like dj vu. Second weddings are almost as common as first unions. For this reason, proper rules of etiquette have been placed on second weddings. Of course, you should use your own judgement, and remember that many wedding rules are now seen as outdated. The reaction of your former spouse is only one tender area to consider when planning your wedding.



Sharing the Good News:

Second wedding etiquette recognizes the need to address the feelings of the former spouse. A courtesy of some sort must be extended to your former legal partner. If your relationship with your ex-spouse is cordial, feel free to announce your engagement over dinner. If, on the other hand, your relationship is not so friendly, the future bride or groom should inform his or her former spouse of the engagement by telephone. If you are close to your former in-laws, extend the same degree of courtesy to them.

Children of any age can have trouble accepting a parent's remarriage, but they must be told before anyone else. Even if you know that your child will protest, he or she should not be omitted from the plans or told at the last minute. Adult children sometimes need time to adjust to the news, accept the union and welcome the new step parent.

That's why second wedding etiquette dictates that the children be informed of the engagement as soon as possible. If you and your new partner share a healthy relationship with your children, they will respect your wishes and support your union.

Finer Points Of The Wedding:

If you have already been married once before, the process of the second wedding will be easier to handle. You and your future spouse should remember that a second wedding is typically a smaller affair involving family and a few close friends. It is considered impolite to ask your former spouse to attend, but if you enjoy a friendly relationship you may feel free to do so.

The couple can discuss second wedding etiquette concerning the budget for the wedding. It is standard that expenses are shared. The question of who will pay for what can be settled among the bride and groom privately.

Many couples celebrating a second wedding choose to hold the event out of town. Often, older couples have more disposable income and are able to afford the luxury of celebrating the marriage in a foreign place. This isn't always true of every guest, however. Consider whether your guests are able to pay for travel, accommodation, and related expenses.

Where to Hold Your Second Wedding:

As a rule, second wedding etiquette requires that the bride and groom not celebrate their marriage in a place suggestive of the past relationships. Second weddings are sensitive occasions for both parties because there is an unspoken expectation from the partner regarding the first marriage. In selecting the theme, the wedding location and where the reception would be held is a matter for both parties to discuss. The locations should be available to the family and guests.

As a courtesy, the couple should provide transportation for their wedding party. Find out who is planning to drive, or if rented cars will be required. Making these plans in advance can save you time and cash closer to the big day.

What to Wear?

Regarding the color of the dress, it is acceptable for the bride to wear a white wedding gown. The groom and groomsmen may wear tuxedos. For a second wedding etiquette, you can still more or less follow the traditional color palette.

Becoming a Family, Again:

Sometimes, second weddings are not about creating new families, but are a celebration of renewed love. Second wedding etiquette also applies to a couple renewing their vows. This is often done on to mark the occasion of a marriage milestone such as a 25th or 50th anniversary.

This type of wedding is typically more private and intimate than the first wedding, and often more joyous. Reaffirming one's love and dedication to a husband or wife is a beautiful and moving gesture. If your second wedding is a celebration of renewed vows, limit your guest list to your closest friends and family. Make the event as carefree and effortless as possible.

Etiquette for Second Wedding Guests:

It is proper second wedding etiquette to bring a present for the couple. Though using a bridal registry is optional, second wedding gifts are usually those that the couple can appreciate and use. Money is always accepted and the second wedding etiquette of handing the envelopes to the family members is still practiced.

The rules for second wedding etiquette are not at all difficult to follow. All the couple has to do is be thoughtful of the others' feelings and decisions in whatever part of the wedding. And as a law of second wedding etiquette, the honeymoon should be as sweet, or sweeter, than the first wedding. Hopefully the lessons learned from the first marriage will lead to more success in the second attempt.