Since I've done this many times in groups I am accustomed to what I will hear or read. These lists typically include: Leaders must have vision, they must be compassionate, they must be good communicators, they must build relationships, they must work well in teams, they must be powerful persuaders…and many other similar sentiments. All are excellent observations.
Rarely though do I find someone listing the most basic, underlying skill of all.
Learning.
Highly effective, remarkable leaders must be continuous, lifelong learners.
There are at least four reasons why I believe this is true: the complexity of leadership, the nature of change, the role of leaders to model for others and the overall source of leadership. Let me explain.
Leadership is a complex endeavor. Humans are complex, and a leader is dealing with more than just his or her own complexities. They are tasked with understanding the complexity of human behavior and interactions across many people. When we put it this way, the role can seem daunting. Something this complex won't be mastered quickly. Remarkable leaders know that the mastery of these complexities is a lifelong journey with no defined endpoint. The result? The need and desire to be in a continuously learning mindset.
The status quo requires no leadership. Think about it. If everything in the current situation was great – if there was no need for change – how much leadership would be needed? Leadership is required because we want to move somewhere. In other words, the need for leadership is predicated on change, and so leaders must be prepared to work under changing conditions. If conditions change, then learning is required to continually adapt to and work under the changing conditions. Remarkable leaders know their job is to move people through status quo. Therefore they know that they must continue to grow themselves to meet the needs of the situations and the people they are leading.
We must model it for others. While the needs and forces for learning are great, leaders aren't just learning for themselves. Sure they are learning for their own competency and confidence as well as to better serve those they are leading, but they also are setting a tone and modeling for those that are following them. When you are a leader, whether by position or reputation, people are looking to you – whether you like it or not, you are a role model. How then, can leaders expect their teams to continue to grow and develop if they aren't doing it themselves?
Better leader = better human. The best leaders are learners for all of the reasons above (and their own other reasons), but they also know something else. They know that in the end, the skills that make them better leaders also make them more highly functioning human beings. Remarkable leaders are learners because they want to be better leaders and because they want to be better people. For example, learning how to communicate more effectively makes you more effective in more than in just your role as a leader – that skill development, that growth, spills out into every part of your life. If none of the other reasons above are compelling enough for you, this one should be!
So, if learning is such an important skill, why don't people notice it and/or add it to the list of traits of great leaders?
Precisely because it is the underlying skill.
People can become exceptional at the other skills on the list because they are willing to learn, grow, improve and change. They know that to become more effective they must continue to improve. They know that effective leadership is a journey – so they remain focused on becoming more effective, not on arriving and maintaining.
The mindset of being on the path, of constantly being a learner, is the path of the truly remarkable leader.
The good news is that you can choose that path everyday. You can choose to be a more effective leader – and your first choice is to become a learner.
You can make that choice anytime. Today's the day to start.
Happiness A Guide To Developing Life's Most Important Skill
So what is confidence?
Confidence is the belief that success is achievable and within arm length. Everyone has confidence to some degree in their lives. Most people are confident driving a car or reading a book. The problem is, a lot of the times confidence is context based and never fully transmuted to other parts of your life including attracting women. The good news is, confidence is NOT a personality trait. It's an attitude that can be learned.
Here are some ways to gain confidence
Identify core values
The first step in becoming confident is realizing your core values. Doing so will manifest a congruent identity that is aligned with how you live your life. And a man who knows exactly what he wants from himself and others is a confident man. The quickest way to recognize what you value in life to ask yourself some specific questions.
The trick is not think about an answer. Just take into account the first few thoughts that pop into your head. Your intuition often knows best. Here are 3 questions you can ask yourself that will hopefully shine some light on your core values.
"What is are the things in life that make me happy?"
"What are the things in life that I am best at?"
"If I was forced to live by one ethic alone, what would it be?"
Your answers to these questions will generally provide a road map to a confident, decisive belief system.
Set goals
Another good way to become confident is to set small goals that can be achieved during the day. Most people equate goals to feats that are near unachievable. It's good to set some long term goals but it's also good to set goals that you can achieve right now.
The crazy thing is you can turn basically any remedial task and turn it into a goal.
For example, on one occasion I set a goal to run 3 miles. I achieved my goal and took a split moment to celebrate. The same day I set a goal to say hello to three people I had never met.
I achieved my goal and basked in glory briefly. Later in the day I set a goal to go grocery shopping. I achieved my goal and by this time, I was confident I could pretty much do anything. What I realized is that after you've completed consecutive goals, your mind will start to associate what you do with success.
It begins to transmute into other facets of your life. So if you want a real easy way to gain to gain confidence, set mini goals and achieve them throughout the day.
Externalize Success and accomplishments
Another way to become confident is to write down everything you know you are good at. It doesn't have to be anything unique or profound. It can be as simple as "I am a good driver!" If you take into account much of the daily things you do and have done, your mind will begin to realize how competent you actually are. If you want to take this one step farther, you can write down all of your accomplishments.
Affirmations
Another way to create confidence is to practice saying affirmations to yourself. Because the unconscious mind cannot distinguish between the real world and the mental realm, many of the affirmations will slip past your consciousness into a place where they become real beliefs even if you have never had any success in that particular area.
Note: In creating affirmations, it is extremely important to always keep them positive. Your unconscious mind does not hear positives or negatives. It simply hears commands. So if you were to say to yourself "I'm not a loser!" your subconscious mind will still hear I'm and loser. Here is a set of affirmations I've used in the past that helped me become more confident.
I am blessed
I am attractive
I can attract beautiful women
I am confident
I am in control of my life
I know what I want
I know how to get what I want
I am successful
I am loved by others
I love myself
I am capable of anything
I am interesting
I am intelligent
Say these over and over again to yourself
And these are just a few. Create your own that cater to specific things in your life that you don't feel confident about. Also, it is important to keep doing them as long you need to.
Confidence doesn't happen over night. If you want to expedite the process, you can print a few affirmations out in large lettering and tape them to your ceiling or mirrors or any other place where you will see them every day. They don't even have to be long affirmations.
You could even do something like "YES, YOU CAN!" There are also a variety of NLP hypnosis audio tracks that you can listen to before you go to bed that will guide you to a more confident reality. I particularly like listening to Paul McKenna before bed but there are many others as well. Check them out. They are great.
Gain Competence
Competence and success will also fuel your confidence. In terms of meeting women, competence will come with studying Attractology and using the theories, techniques and routines we provide on the site. In fact, the only purpose of routines is to get success under your belt so you can become more confident with women.
In reality, if you want the deeply embedded belief that you can attract women, you will need to be absolutely positive that you have that ability. To be absolutely positive, you will need some success under your belt. Check out our outer game section to see some ways to get some initial success that will further boost your confidence.
Communities
Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people is very important in gaining and sustaining confidence. If you surround yourself with people who constantly belittle you and try to take value from you, it can be very difficult to sustain confidence.
Eagles soar with other eagles for a reason and you too need to surround yourself with people who will support your personal growth and accept you for who you are. In terms of creating a stronger social net, find people with common interests and become part of a groups.
Some examples of social groups are work friends, classmates, teammates, club members, etc. There are even groups for guys who want to learn how to meet women called lairs. They are great as well for building confidence.
Both Kevin Eikenberry & Johan Krost are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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