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Have High Self Esteem

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Isn't it a pivotal part of how we see and interact with the world around us? If our world is a reflection of us, then self esteem is our paintbrush.



Imagine it's one of those rare days where everything seems to "go right". Have you ever had one of those? You get up rested, you smile at yourself in the mirror, you actually like what you see. You master your domain effortlessly. And people seem friendlier and want to be around you.

Contrast that with the opposite, one of those "Other" days, you slap at the alarm 4 times, finally rolling out of bed 10 minutes late, hanging your head "Oh yuck, another Monday!" You stumble into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, snap at the kids, kick the dog...well ok not really...but you get the picture.

Have you noticed one of the key elements involved in both experiences is how you are feeling about yourself? About what you are doing with your life, where you are going, and how you perceive everyone around you is colored by that all encompassing factor; your self esteem. So high self-esteem is truly one of the most important and valuable commodities you can possess. Some people have been known to raise an eyebrow and act as if that might be a selfish preoccupation. I can only say that if how you treat yourself is a measure of how you treat other people, then we all need to learn to treat ourselves very well indeed!

Why am I so interested in the them of self-esteem? Well as one of my favorite mentors John Di Lemme says: "I believe in the power of story telling:" So here is my story: At the age of eight, I was taken from Boston and transported to a remote compound in Northern Maine where I spent over the next ten years in what I can only refer to as a cult. Freedom of speech, self-expression, free will and independence were forbidden and resulted in harsh punishment, even exile. My self-esteem was crushed by years of systematic and repeated mental and emotional abuse. Yet my internal compass stayed the course and I finally mustered enough courage to leave the cult in 1989 and joined my younger sister who had escaped to Washington where I was briefly reunited with my brother who I hadn't seen in five years.

This was my first time in the real world – I had never even learned how to use a pay phone. I worked a string of odd jobs, putting myself through school where I earned an Associates degree in computer science. Since then I have worked for fortune 500 companies such as AT&T and Nextel Communications as a systems engineer and project manager. Though I had attained financial and professional success, I still had to wrestle with the emotional chains I carried and that ever-debilitating hangover of low self esteem. In an attempt to free myself from this haunting past, I dedicated myself to writing my story and published my autobiography "Firewalker."

The process of expression through writing became a burning drive; it was something taht I was driven to do, for myself and for you. At my lowest points in life (there's been more than one), a powerful and imaginative warrior was always there to rescue me. Now I know that warrior was me! Even when I felt without hope, my inner voice still challenged those negative thoughts, fueling me to imagine a different life. Writing became my personal healing process and is now a universal testimony to the dream warrior that lives within every single human being. Through this process I developed a deeper understanding of the significance of self-esteem in our lives.

As an author I write about becoming a firewalker, not only because I have literally walked on burning coals (I had the amazing experience of actually doing a fire walk,) but because I had to walk through fire in order to help myself and to show you that there is no tragedy you cannot conquer.

I believe that self esteem is extremely powerful, it affects not only ourselves, but the world we touch as a whole.
Have High Self Esteem
There are many so-called experts out there who claim to have to key to how to have high self esteem. But be careful - you will want to check out their claims first before you become an ardent follower. Because the fact is, not everyone who says he knows really does know how to have high self esteem.

Do not be confused though - it is possible to develop high self esteem. High self esteem is valuable in fostering mental, spiritual and physical strength. So how does one develop high self esteem?

1. Learn to love yourself and love life as well. Be happy for the blessings that the Creator has granted to you - these could be a healthy body, a happy family, a job that pays well. There are many things you can be grateful for. Many people, sadly enough, fail to recognize these blessings as being factors behind developing high self esteem.

2. Learn to let go of feelings of resentment and anger. Perhaps you feel jealous that another person seems to have the traits and possessions which you would like for yourself? Being resentful and angry will not help you gain those things - on the contrary, they will just make you more likely not to be granted such things.

3. Practice positive thinking by focusing on what talents you have and the accomplishments that come about by using such talents. You will be surprised how far along in life this gets you.

4. Learn to reconstruct your daily life so that you are in the best position to become the person you desire to become. Strive to be happy by living a lifestyle that gives you as little stress as possible - but do not confuse this with living a slothful life.

5. Make an effort to develop qualities necessary to pursuing your goals and dreams. These qualities are strength, wisdom, confidence and knowledge.

6. Try to remain open-minded to any advice or constructive criticism that other people may feel you need. You will have to learn the skill of discernment, or being able to sieve good advice from bad advice. Unfortunately, we often have to take the bad with the good - but that does not mean you have to follow bad advice. You must know how to discard bad advice without including the good advice that you need to make improvements in your life.

7. Learn from past experience so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Often, our feelings of low self esteem come from the fact that we may fail in certain aspects of our life. For example, you may consider yourself a poor parent because you often lose your temper with your kids. If so, try to analyze why you lose your temper then try to come up with alternative reactions that are more effective when your kids repeat their offensive behavior.

8. Do not focus on the negative things that happen in your life. Many people often become physically or mentally incapacitated because they feel burdened by negative thoughts and feelings. You can heal yourself by thinking positive thoughts instead.

9. Do make an effort to help other people. Perhaps they can benefit from your experience in some matters, especially if they are younger. A man who became a teenage father can advise his teenage son about the pitfalls of premarital sex and the burdens of becoming a teenage parent. When you try to help others, you not only feel good about yourself afterwards, the other person also benefits. You change lives this way.

10. Chop up your life goals into short-term goals and long-term goals. As you set about trying to accomplish your short-term goals, you will find your confidence increasing. Eventually, you will get to reach even your long-term goals.

Are we clear so far? These tips will teach you how to have high self esteem - just take things one step at a time.
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