However, when you think about it, how many of us are grown up or mature enough to get married? However loudly one might pooh-pooh the idea of being immature, it would be a worthwhile exercise to sit down and do an objective take on the subject. Because it is essential that all of us who would like to make a success of our marriages are completely sure that we are still not tied to our parents apron strings.
Marriage is a contract and a full-time career which needs to be worked on. Like all other careers, one has to be qualified for the job and continuously hone ones skills to do well in that job. In a regular career, one sheds the student world and accepts the new responsibility of the work ethic in the office or workplace.
In marriage, do we shed the child mode and readjust ourselves to the adult mode? Most of us do not. We go into marriage still wanting to be looked after, be pampered and be allowed the freedom of throwing a tantrum when things do not go our way. Very much like what we did with our parents. Only, we do not like it if we are corrected or our partner is not as patient and understanding as perhaps our parents have been in the past.
Very often, a woman marries a father figure so she can continue being Daddys little girl and a man marries a mother figure so he can be, well, mothered. Sometimes, we can be like infants in that we choose the best looking toy to carry around little realizing that does not always bring us the happiness of the comfortable old cuddly bear we slept with!
Yes, it is necessary for us to grow out of our parents. This in no way is a criticism of them. It is a journey we have to undertake. It means we stop thinking like we did as children. Then we view our parents as separate entities and love them the better for it, no longer taking them for granted.
This is the first step to freeing ourselves for marriage. And we need to prepare for it. By developing skill sets that help us cope, help us excel. This is when we can proudly say that we have become our own man or own woman.
Should You Get Married
My wife would remain silent when they made such comments. I would remain silent. From my wife's Russian viewpoint, our wedding was a miserable failure.
My recommendation is to take your fianc? to an American wedding before you get married. I don't care if you know the people well at the wedding or not. Crash a wedding if you have to.
My wife knew none of the customs here. She didn't know where to shop. She had no friends to help her. I planned the wedding. I lined up the church, the reception hall, the priest, the music, the cake -- everything.
I asked my friends to cook roasts and turkeys and asked other guests to bring food like a potluck. They all came through for me big time. They set up the reception hall.
I had to help my wife order her wedding dress ? so much for not seeing the bride before the wedding. We covered ten stores and one hundred miles to get her wedding shoes.
When we finally found a pair that she liked and that fit her, I was a little heavy handed about insisting on buying them. She wanted to keep looking for more shoes.
I was the bridegroom, the wedding planner, mother of the bride, all rolled into one.
I did the best job I could. My wife grudgingly acknowledges today that I did a pretty good job. However, she still holds it against me because it was not a proper Russian wedding.
Expectations have everything to do with happiness. If you expect one thing and get another, no matter how nice it is, you aren't happy. My wife was expecting a proper Russian wedding and got a hybrid American wedding instead.
Many couples have two weddings ? one in the West and one in the East. My wife and I had planned to do something similar, but by the time she made it back to Belarus, she was four months pregnant and didn't fit into her wedding dress anymore.
Her family had a nice celebration for us to welcome us to the family instead. We also had the baby baptized in Belarus with a celebration to follow.
Both Kenneth Scott & John Kunkle are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
John Kunkle has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family, Wedding Bells and Green Card. John has been successfully married to a Belarussian wife for over five years. He has traveled extensively through Russia and other CIS countries. He will tell you why you should consider Russian women, how to meet them, how to bring your special woman h. John Kunkle's top article generates over 27100 views. Bookmark John Kunkle to your Favourites.
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